My Mate Is A Drink Driver

[RegSpec]

I am not sure of what is available in Aussie but there are a couple of very good A&D programs over here that focus on 3 month detox before starting to help participants reassemble their lives. Both remove participants for 90 days to the bush (outback in your world) where they are well removed from alcohol and drugs and allow them to participate in pre-arranged employment whilst there.

After the 3 month period particpants return to civilization but most often with a clear head and a desire to start putting together a more positive live than they had 90 days earlier.

Food for thought.

Whilst programs like this have been proven to encourage positive results with these sort of addictions.....at the end of the day, they have to WANT to do it themselves.....its not the sort of thing you can "force" some-one to do.

Perhaps the prospect of losing his son may spur some form of action

As Nick has said, the person in question has admitted that he's got a problem, but talk is cheap, and, as we are all aware, actions speak louder than words.

[Rootster]

well rang them today...and you guys were right...They want me to follow him and when he gets behind the wheel to ring them and then they will come running...The police officer I spoke to didn't even ask for his name or rego.....

So I thought I would try doc's ..transfered from one section to an other....then on hold for 1/2 hour so I hung up...

Guys the system works...What a joke....

Guys have spoken to him before..as I employed him for a while....This blokes lives to drink...

His mum and dad have gone on holidays for 2 weeks...didn't even offer their son to say at their place...and they know he sleeps in the car...

I took this bloke away last weekend..with some of the members from this forum....jamie could of killed him...and if I didn't step in to cool things down..it would of come to blows...he was also kicked out of the pub....I spoke to him before hand about his drinking..not to make a fool of me and to relax...that was the condition I would take him along...

Once the alcohol started to flow....no stopping him...would of had 24+ drinks in about 4-5 hours...

Really what I want is to snap him out of his drinking way...quickly.. as I haven't the patience to listen to all the bull sh1t that comes out of his mouth...I would hit him over the head with a 2x4 if I knew that was going to work...

Spoken to him plenty of times about it all....its like playing the same record over and over again....His answer is usually yes dad...

So what the fark do I do now....walk away...or bash fark out of him..

Might try doc's tomorrow again and see what happens..Any idea's anyone...

[turbo.vixen]

your dedicated ill give you that (probably not the best emoticon but anyway)

[trevs]

being the dedicated guy you seem to be you may not wanna hear this but id give it one more crack and if he doesnt want help walk away the time your wasting and the harm on your own well being just isnt worth it in my eyes

inregards to his son its very unfair for him to be put in the position his in have you spoken to his parents about maybe looking after the kid surely they dont want him to end up like there own son because the way things are going that's whats going to happen

what your doing now its no differant from placing a bet at the tab on a horse only to find out the one you picked only has 3 legs untill he wakes up to himself and realizes his a loser and has wasted half his life going nowhere your wasting your time and the sad truth is some ppl never do ?

ive always been a major piss head myself (most young males and females are at some point ) but the last few years ive seen all the money wasted and to be honest it makes me mad just thinking about it do I regret it of course not it was fun but you have know when to give it away

everbody will realize eventually what there doing is silly smoking ,drinking ,drugs ,playing the pokies the problem is weather its soon enough to have a decent life or if it takes them to end up in jail or laying in a hospital bed being told they have a few months or weeks to live befor their brains kick into gear

to be honest the worse thing about stupidity is that if the worse is to happen and he kills somebody else or his son in a drink driving accident things will become super clear to him and he will either kill himself or give up the drink and be one of those ppl you hear about of why not to do what he done in turn maybe saving 10 or 20 lives who knows

in any case good luck because if his anything like some of my mates you going to need it

cheers trev

[Craig.]

I don't believe that jail is the answer for someone like this. He may get seriously hurt or comes out of there a drug addict with his type of addictive tendancies.

Have you tried talking to his parents and getting them on board? It sounds like they are sitting back and spectating without wanting to get involved. You really need to get them on side, get them to be vocal and involved and then approach him as a group, either you and them or if there are other family and close friends that can/ will involve themselves then get them involved too. A change like this needs to start with the family support or you are just banging your head against the wall.

Each of you need to talk to him about the danger he is putting his son in. You need to be confrontational, blunt and to the point. Tell him you are sick of it. Tell him he is a weak bastard for not having the balls to stand up and be a dad. Tell him he really isn't much of a man. Make sure he knows that you as a group are fed up with his behaviour and lifestyle. Talk to him about how he would feel if he were to kill his son in an accident! Ask him if he loves his son? Does he value the young fellas life? Does he think that he is setting much of an example for the young fella to follow? Isn't having him around a good reason to change his life for the better. He needs to hear all of this and worse to wake him up and bring him back to reality. With a bit of luck he will have a light bulb moment, tear up and realise what he has become, and want to change.

If you can get him to see your side of it and convince him to change his ways, then the support really needs to begin. That may mean somone making sure he attends AA by going with him. Setting up counselling and making sure he goes,etc. It may also mean helping him find somewhere to live ( this may mean selling the car so that he has money for bond but that might not be a bad thing initially) and some form of employment. The continued support will need to be there for some time to come, so his parents really need to be on board and you all need to be on the same page.

Good luck!

Edited 01/03/10 01:58 PM by craiginmackay

[ENVY-T]

Having personal experience and also having a very addictive personality there is one thing that is required for him to stop.

That is HIS WANT to stop.

As long as he is told to stop and eventually forced into it, he will always feel some form of animosity towards you and the world and most certainly will continue to drink whether it be in the closet or in the open. This is because his mentality will see it as him being deprived of what is his outlet.

[RHR]

Guys keep it civial or it will be closed and we will start handing out free hollidays.

I understand this is Serious topic so I can stay for now

[82CNT]

Tough spot your in. I dont think jail is a correctional facilty. I have known a few people that have been and 8-10 of them just got worse, dead or dissapeared. There have been a couple that got therir sh*t together. You can tell the police all you want but they also have to catch him in the act and then a judge will decide if jail is on the cards. Well sounds like you have been there for your mate for a long time and will continue to do so and that is doing enough in my mind. Hopefully he doesnt hurt anyone but to be honest I think this is out of your hands.

[Guest XR09]

Unless he does kill someone or tries a runner when they do go to book him, he wont get jail. He will get a suspended sentence and one of the conditions will be that he must attend AA. If he misses one of his AA meetings he will break his parole and will do time.

The police aren't social workers and I can see why they would not want to get involved in this.

The poor guy has a bad mental illness, very bad. Probably has been fighting depression all his life to. If he was blind, deaf or had some other physical problem we would all feel sorry for him. But because it's not something so obvious and we all use piss for fun, we think you dick head, go to jail.

Rooster you have my greatest respect for your efforts, don't ever feel you have done the wrong thing.

You can tell him he is a good guy, that he needs to get his act together and all that stuff. But all he hears is that he is a loser. And the spiral continues and gets worse. For most they have to really hit bottom. Like seriously want to be dead before he can be reasoned with. And maybe even then he wont. He might prefer death to living. That's how the disease works unfortunately.

I know this because I just burried one.

[Rootster]

guys really, thanks heaps for all the support.....Tried to speak to his parents they don't want to know about it....The police don't... doc's if I ever get them on the phone...So today it's not my problem anymore...wipe my hands of it...and say at least I tried...

Until he wants to be helped ..really not much can be done for him..

Tried to speak to him today...It's like I'm annoying him....So fark him..he is not going to do my head in..

On an other note.............

I had a phone call from the soccer club today...needed some coaches....so now the coach of the U6 lol...As well as the u12...god love the U6....Met them all earlier today...one kid asking me for money and trophies.....lmfao...help the ones that want to be helped....Guys get of your arses and get involved in kids sports...You wont regret it....

Edited 04/03/10 08:06 AM by Rootster