ilk Is on holiday from communism Member 1,282 Member For: 5y 11m 27d Gender: Female Location: Victoria Posted 21/01/19 04:18 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 04:18 AM I'm not joking, she just uses me. I feel like a piece of meat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBAF Bronze Donating Members 2,156 Member For: 8y 4m 14d Posted 21/01/19 04:51 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 04:51 AM 33 minutes ago, .Stripes. said: Agreed. We haven't really been in a great place for the last few months. If we're going to make things work long term it's going to require putting in some effort to work on our communication and ability to compromise and work together (vastly different love languages etc). I think it/us/she's worth it, but only she can decide if she feels the same. But we did have a really great weekend, so see how things progress from here I guess. been there man, trust me you need to work on that pretty quick, otherwise you will end up in the same spot 12months down the road then it becomes a chore and cycle. Hopefully you find a happy medium 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Stripes. All stock bar the k&n panel filter Silver Donating Members 8,061 Member For: 12y 9m 16d Gender: Male Location: Perth Posted 21/01/19 04:57 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 04:57 AM Yeah, and I've essentially said as much. I very much feel we probably need to get a bit of help from a psychologist to figure it out and learn how to understand, support and love each other better, in a way that's meaningful for each other. We don't know what we don't know, so it's not like it's going to come naturally to either of us, since we're quite different in certain aspects. She's never seen a psych before though, so the prospect is pretty scary for her and she still holds to this mindset of "things shouldn't be this hard, surely"...but I've tried to emphasise that ANYTHING in life needs work and effort if you want to get the best out of it, and a relationship even more so I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBAF Bronze Donating Members 2,156 Member For: 8y 4m 14d Posted 21/01/19 05:02 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 05:02 AM in a sense she is right, that it shouldn't be that hard, but for it to not be "that hard" both parties need to work together to allow things to naturally progress in all aspects and that's where most of the issues lay (not just within your relationship I mean) and helping her understand that will make things all the more easier for both of you. I went all through so I have plenty of experience (which sucks and its damn hard work) but if you ever need a chat or the likes feel free to drop me a PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilk Is on holiday from communism Member 1,282 Member For: 5y 11m 27d Gender: Female Location: Victoria Posted 21/01/19 05:12 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 05:12 AM Take advise from me 15 years together now. Fark her like a slut, treat her like a queen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arronm Dropping a turd Gold Donating Members 9,520 Member For: 17y 2m 2d Gender: Male Location: Perth Posted 21/01/19 05:24 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 05:24 AM 15 years. Amateur. Talk to me when its 35 years... You may learn something by then... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Stripes. All stock bar the k&n panel filter Silver Donating Members 8,061 Member For: 12y 9m 16d Gender: Male Location: Perth Posted 21/01/19 05:27 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 05:27 AM 23 minutes ago, MBAF said: in a sense she is right, that it shouldn't be that hard, but for it to not be "that hard" both parties need to work together to allow things to naturally progress in all aspects and that's where most of the issues lay (not just within your relationship I mean) and helping her understand that will make things all the more easier for both of you. I went all through so I have plenty of experience (which sucks and its damn hard work) but if you ever need a chat or the likes feel free to drop me a PM Yeah, that was what I essentially said. In every relationship the honeymoon phase is going to drop off and you either choose to put in the effort to build the relationship on the right foundation, which as you say, will make things easier later on, or you don't and you move on to chase that excitement of a new relationship again. Cheers man, appreciate the support. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilk Is on holiday from communism Member 1,282 Member For: 5y 11m 27d Gender: Female Location: Victoria Posted 21/01/19 05:39 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 05:39 AM @arronm Well it feels like a lifetime already haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Jeturbo Bob the Freaking Builder Donating Members 10,813 Member For: 15y 3m 16d Gender: Female Location: SA Posted 21/01/19 06:08 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 06:08 AM Relationships are like farts.... if u have to force it then it’s probably chit. I am kind of the opinion it shouldn’t be that hard that early on. If you’re talking psychologists due to being so dramatically different or lack of communication etc within the first three years without a mass trauma event such as a death or accident etc then I think it’s already a pretty big indicator of where the relationship is headed. Relationships that young should just happen, they should just flow. 3 years in and I would still expect to be in the honeymoon phase... constant rooting and affection. in fact I think even ten years later there should still be moments when you look at your significant other the same as when you were in that phase. Talking to anyone I know with over twenty years happy together (some over fifty years and my grandparents who had over 60) you still have that even then. My nonno still talks of my nonna like she was his queen. He often tells me how not everything was easy, they still fought and had hard times... but he’d do anything to be with her again and the day he lost her was the worst of his life. Im a firm believer not everyone gets to find a great love in their life, some people just have relationships. But when you find your great love or the one, you just know it... and that doesn’t mean it’s always hunky dory, but you just know because the thought, the genuine thought, of ever being without them... even in the bad times... makes u feel sick to the stomach and no matter what happens, you work through it because you both want to not because you have to, or one of you wants to or you feel like you’re scared of being alone or you want to settle down and have kids so you settle for whoever it is at the time coz they’re ok. Saying that I have nfi how life works and everyone is different and everyone’s experiences are different. So what works for someone won’t for others. that's the interesting thing I guess... loads of ways to skin a cat in this world. 1 hour ago, arronm said: 15 years. Amateur. Talk to me when its 35 years... You may learn something by then... You old karrrnt LEL 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffwagon Puff Gold Donating Members 15,998 Member For: 9y 11m Gender: Male Location: South Australia Posted 21/01/19 06:24 AM Share Posted 21/01/19 06:24 AM Nah your fairly on the money on this subject imo fluff. Hard relationships aren't worth the trouble. There are so many different types of people out there, that if a relationship doesn't work, you just high five, seperate amicably and find someone that suits you. Easy peasy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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