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The Off Topic Thread.


KEN 24T

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  • VOTE ROOTSTER 2010
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  • Member For: 16y 3m 28d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Wollongong

Just finished watching that "TELEPHONE" video by gagaman and beyonce... its kinda weird... take a look... but beware.. its like 9 mins long...

WTF!!!!!!

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  • Bob the Freaking Builder
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  • Member For: 15y 3m 26d
  • Gender: Female
  • Location: SA

OK WIERDEST THING ....

my mum was cleaning out my childhood room today and rings me... she says

"I've found some weird things"

So I go have a look... along with a bunch of trophies and medals and gay knick knacks are 2 books... titled "WHATS HAPPENING TO ME"

She then tells me she just finished reading them and told me "you learn something new every day"

when I asked what she meant... she said,

"Vagina rhymes with Carolina"

:roflmbo::roflmbo: yes the book said that....but eve more shocking... my mum repeated it to me...

I proceeded to look through the books and continued to piss myself laughing for a little while...

makes you realise how we got so messed up! :rolleyes: :auto:

just wanted to share that story... lol

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  • Sucker
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  • Member For: 20y 8m 14d
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  • Location: Brisbane

Ripper of a game too :beerchug: That dude with all the tough stickers that they took back in off the street after everyone else farked him off seems to be their main man now.

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  • Bored Member
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  • Member For: 22y 1m 25d
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  • Location: Dé·jà vu
I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my wife Shirley's patented recipe '"you're definitely going to poop yourself'" road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement." Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'. Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first, all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, poop, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened.

The chilies fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, ironically enough, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red approved clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.

Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off a swarm of pissed off bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!? Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive burst shot forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my butt is burning SO BAD, while purging my innards at a sonic rate.

One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly scurried out of the fog and from the restroom. Once finished, I also left the restroom, re-acquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and pointing at me in an accusing manner shouting, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly to never return. Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's.

:beerchug::buttrock::idunno::spit:

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