Who's Got A Cat?.....

[RegSpec]

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a

baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm

and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws

tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with

right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear

paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with

one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub

cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just

visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth

open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take

taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet

with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.

Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing.

Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic

band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to

cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey

compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away

and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road.

Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and

bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from

shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough

about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash

pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency

room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill

remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop

to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[YPURV4]

WTF.....

You should take you own advice from your sig

Edited 09/09/07 08:39 AM by YPURV4

[Felix]

Yep, that's about it.

I use a syringeful of water with the pill on the end.

Felix

[senna_T]

I f*ckn hate cats...

[AzMahoony]

I read the first 3 lines

[RegSpec]

Sorry guys....thought "someone" might have gotten a laugh out of it......

[XR6T8080]

we had a cat once but it tried to tear my face off on several occasions when I was a toddler so dad shot it.