drcook Member 752 Member For: 20y 3m 23d Location: leonay Posted 24/03/06 03:37 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 03:37 AM (edited) Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts:Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Additional Chuck Norris Facts:If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more t*sticles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Edited 24/03/06 03:42 AM by drcook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasper361 Member 407 Member For: 19y 10m 26d Location: Brissy Norf siide Posted 24/03/06 03:53 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 03:53 AM One fact missing:Chuck norris has no defence for Bruce Lee's one inch PUNCH!and Bruce lee has kicked his ass time and time again :loc: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootoboy NHB006 Member 86 Member For: 18y 11m 1d Posted 24/03/06 04:05 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 04:05 AM Defence = Be further away than one inch??? :loc: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jEtONiT Donating Members 1,817 Member For: 21y 1m 5d Gender: Not Telling Location: next door.. Posted 24/03/06 10:00 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 10:00 AM hahahahahahahhahaha absolute pissers..almost fell of my chair when I thought about the water one, and finaly realised what it meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guests Posted 24/03/06 10:08 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 10:08 AM One fact missing:Chuck norris has no defence for Bruce Lee's one inch PUNCH!and Bruce lee has kicked his ass time and time again <{POST_SNAPBACK}>No defence true,But whos alive and kicking( ) and well enough grow such hairy back!Darren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktford FORD FORD FORD Donating Members 9,390 Member For: 21y 8m 25d Gender: Male Location: Victoria Point In Brissy's eastern side Posted 24/03/06 10:15 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 10:15 AM Chuck Norris is a fraud, I'd bet he'd get a nipple licking from his alter ego Boyley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guests Posted 24/03/06 10:55 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 10:55 AM Norris is an axe just ask Bruce Lee about his leathal roundhouse moves, O that right Norris killed him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G6ET8U Playing with Sports Bikes... Silver Donating Members 1,927 Member For: 19y 1m 13d Gender: Male Location: Whistling, GTX. Posted 24/03/06 11:27 AM Share Posted 24/03/06 11:27 AM Some of those I had read before, some I hadn't, needless to say I haven't laughed like for a long time...I had 13 printed pages of Chuck Norris jokes I'd got off a mate... all brilliant.Chuck Norris you are my HERO...Chuck Norris doesn't eat... he refuel's.Love it.Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Wiggum Moar Powar Babeh Lifetime Members 19,323 Member For: 19y 2m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth Posted 25/03/06 01:38 AM Share Posted 25/03/06 01:38 AM Chuck Norris doesnt read books he stares them down to he gets the info he wants... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasper361 Member 407 Member For: 19y 10m 26d Location: Brissy Norf siide Posted 25/03/06 01:48 AM Share Posted 25/03/06 01:48 AM One fact missing:Chuck norris has no defence for Bruce Lee's one inch PUNCH!and Bruce lee has kicked his ass time and time again <{POST_SNAPBACK}>No defence true,But whos alive and kicking( ) and well enough grow such hairy back!Darren <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Bruce lee is far from dead, he is working in the Cross in a souvlaki bar and waiting for Chuck to increase his skill so he is worthy of a rematch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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