Joke Of The Day

[aniken]

The 10 Commandments of Email

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of

the dawn.

And, here's the "Golden Rule" of E-Mail:

That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

[aniken]

2003 has been a productive year indeed. I've learned...

...that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to

destroy it.

that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more stuffed up than you think.

that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will

be the ones who do.

that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes

us feel better about ourselves.

that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd

better have a big dick or huge *beep*.

[ducatijb]

Normally when I Hear embarrassing stories about my friends I sort of chuckle a little

And let it pass.

However, when a mate at UCD wrote me this letter, telling me

About her embarrassing experience, as sick as it was I could not help

but become hysterical. I asked my friend if I could write it up, she

didn't mind as long as I didn't use her name, so here it is:

A girl, let's call her Linda, is in Trinity. Like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness Trinners life has to offer.

Linda, being the computer science undergrad she is, does, however, have a lot of work to do on her computer. So when she's not out having a good time, she's working her ass off designing computer

programs and installing software.

One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home

alone on a Friday night for the first time in the three years they had

been dating. She was sad, alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage. While she was playing on the net, she decided to get onto a chat line. Being the wild psycho she is, she logged onto a sex line.

Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Paul. She started

playing with him, gave a false name, saying her name was "Anne," and

started getting into detail about what she would like to do to him with

her tongue.

He responded by telling her to picture being naked while his hands ran

over every square inch of her body. Soon they were having cybersex.

This went on for a while, and then she got off the line agreeing to meet

him back on the line the following night. Saturday night rolls around,

and Linda, as 'Anne,' is on the line with Paul again. They become even

closer this night, and they continue like this for a week. At the end of

the week, they started talking about other things and got into very intimate issues and feelings. They became close, exchanging details about their lives, but Linda didn't tell Paul she was in college, because she was afraid of sounding like an immature college girl. She felt guilty, but

after a few weeks, she really liked this guy.The virtual relationship

carried on like this for months, and the months turned into a year. By

the end of the year, they had exchanged their most intimate thoughts,

but had never even spoken on the phone. They were afraid of ruining the

mystery. 'Anne' & Paul had done everything sexually possible over the

net, and they were affectionate as well, waiting for the day that they

could some day be together.

Finally the time had come; they had to meet each other. They were in

love. They didn't care about age or looks, but only for each other. Paul

told Linda he thought she could be his next wife. Linda was wary at

first but decided she didn't care how old or ugly he might be. She loved

him, and he was the only one she could feel comfortable with. They

planned a trip to meet in Galway. They were finally going to see each

other and spend the rest of the weekend together. As Linda didn't want

the hassle of trying to recognize someone she's never seen, she said,

"Why don't you just get a room at the Great Southern? We'll meet there,

and that way there will be no mistake."

Paul agreed. Linda showed up at the resort first and checked in, telling

the receptionist to hold a key for a guest.

She then went up to the room. Wanting things to be special, she lit some

candles and put on some music. She stripped naked and climbed into bed

under the covers, deciding to surprise Paul when he got there. The

lights were out and the mood was right when she heard a key in the door.

She heard someone walking and around the corner. She whispered, "Paul?"

A voice replied, "Anne?", "Yes," she said, so he fumbled for the

Light and turned it on to see Linda on the bed naked before him. The

next thing were two blood curling screams. Linda covered herself up, and

in her most humiliated voice said,

"Dad!"

This really happened.

[Falchoon]

Light and turned it on to see Linda on the bed naked before him. The

next thing were two blood curling screams. Linda covered herself up, and

in her most humiliated voice said,

"Dad!"

This really happened.

[ducatijb]

Subject: FW: Centrelink

A guy walks into the local Centrelink office, marches straight up

to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on the dole. I'd really

rather have a job." The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says,

"Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very

wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his

nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive

around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be

expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a

two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting

salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

[Guest]

Spot on!

[Falchoon]

Supreme court case NZ

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama last week when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the boy. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. The judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him. Custody was granted to the All Black rugby team this morning as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.

[F6 RAPID]

A guy calls his boss one morning and says, "Boss, I can't make it in to work today, I'm sick."

His boss, a little irritated replies, "Exactly how sick are you?"

"I'm in bed having sex with my sister - how sick is that?"

[Guest wrxboy]

Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr. Johnson you barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down

and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw that my 'barracks door' was open this morning, did you notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a

little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

[Macktheknife]