Joke Of The Day

[aniken]

Medical Alert

Edit: not sure, but this might only work in Word 2000 or later.

Edited 28/08/03 03:55 AM by aniken

[aniken]

birthday wish come true... sort of

[aniken]

Perfect match

[aniken]

A happy snap from Ken's recent trip to NZ...

[KEN 24T]

A happy snap from Ken's recent trip to NZ...

Oh very funny.

I'm just glad I didn't get an ugly one this time!

[Guest VixxenChiQ]

dunno if this has been in yet. too many to read! anyway if you havent seen it. EnJoY!

Vixx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the

way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly

compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have

to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.

You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the

windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows

before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would

cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you

would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,

twice as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would

all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal

Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you

out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door

handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to

learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would

operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Macktheknife]

This fella with a crocodile on a leash walks in to the Breakfast Creek Hotel one Friday afternoon. They both walk up to the bar and the fella says to the Barman.

"G'day mate, do ya serve Expensive Daewoo owners in this pub?"

"Yep" says the Barman. "We're non political, non sectarian, non racial and totally non discriminatory"

"Good" says the fella.

"Then I'll have a schooner of fourex, an me mate'll have a Expensive Daewoo owner".

[rainy]

I remember when I was a young lad,Mum and Dad and I would drive for what seemed like eternity to get to my grandparents place in the country.

Once we got there grandad would say"Get ya granmammy boy,and hop up in the pickup,were going to the store"

Now this was know ordinary store,They made thier own jams,chutney,sauces,etc,etc,etc.So thier we were in the old truck on our way down to dicken's store and I can remember grandad saying that they made the best lemonade,but thier cider was something to die for.

"yep" he'd say" there aint nothing like a dickens cider",Shoot even grandma liked a dickens cider,once she'd had one she couldnt stop,she'd have to have another dickens cider

I gotta agree now I am a little older"theres nothing quite like a dickens cider.

[rainy]

Three old blokes suffering from alziemers share a large 2 story house together.One night the three of them r wathing telly when Ken says" ok,I'm gonna have a shower"

He walks off upstairs,gets undressed,goes to step in the shower then stops"mmm,was I getting in the shower or was I getting out???"He yells out his predicament to the the other 2 so Bob says he'll go and sought him out.

On his way up the stairs Bob trips up.He gets to his feet but then dosnt know if he was going up stairs or down.

"Hey Ted "he yells"Ken is in the bathroom and he dos'nt know if he was getting in or out of the shower,Im on the stairs not knowing if im going up or down! Could u lend a hand"

On hearing this Ted utters to himself"Pair of bloody old fools,at least one of this trio still has his wits about him"as he leans forward to tap the coffee table"Knock on wood"(insert knock knock sound here)

With that he stands up and says

"was that the front door or the back door"

[physh]

I must admit, having a dickens cider is definitely one of my favourite pastimes.

I like to have my dickens cider at least once a day - preferably once as I wake up and another just before going to bed.

Of course, that means I actually have my dickens cider twice over, but it's just as good the second time round!

Unfortunately, sometimes the establishment has closed for maintenance, or the price of having a dickens cider goes through the roof for some reason... meaning some days I just don't get my dickens cider.

Withdrawal symptoms?

And one other thing - if you've ever had a dickens cider while a friend also has a dickens cider, then you're a lucky man for sure.