aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m 24d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 15/08/03 09:50 AM Share Posted 15/08/03 09:50 AM Words were the topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhizz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence."Garn" shouted a bloke in the third row."Garn?" said the professor, "Not a swear word is it?""No" said the punter in the third row,"Garn".Time went by , the buzzer went and the audience applauded."You've stumped him," said the MC, "how do you use the word ?""Garn get phucked," said the punter and the show was closed immediately.It took 12 months for the network to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would screen the audience in future. On opening night they scrutinised each member of the audience as they arrived before asking for the first word. A man in the third row wearing a vicars collar and a beard put his hand up."Smee" he said."Smee ?" said the professor, "Smee ?. Seconds ticked by and he was forced to concede the very first word. After the applause had died down the MC asked "How do you use the word sir?"The punter stood up, pulled off the beard and collar and said "Smee again. Garn get phucked!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavoWA Proud Team Blueprint member Member 286 Member For: 21y 9m 30d Location: Perth Posted 15/08/03 10:58 AM Share Posted 15/08/03 10:58 AM Best tried when absolutely p!ssed :lol: Q.If it takes a poxed poodle 3 weeks to bumscuttle a bas*ard cat with a glass eye, how long would it take a Paradise Duck eating a yard and a half of India rubber tubing to sh1t out a gross of French Letters. A.About as long as it takes to stuff a pound of melted butter up a wildcats ar5e with a wet noodle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 14d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 15/08/03 10:59 AM Share Posted 15/08/03 10:59 AM Best tried when absolutely p!ssed :lol: Q.If it takes a poxed poodle 3 weeks to bumscuttle a bas*ard cat with a glass eye, how long would it take a Paradise Duck eating a yard and a half of India rubber tubing to sh1t out a gross of French Letters. A.About as long as it takes to stuff a pound of melted butter up a wildcats ar5e with a wet noodle. FAF! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 9m 29d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 15/08/03 01:13 PM Author Share Posted 15/08/03 01:13 PM I still think my job is worse but anyway.......This may work for most of you.Enjoy...When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy, go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. (Be very sure you get this brand). When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so that you won't be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested". Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson". HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!! Mr Johnson should would have a sore a*s after pesonaly testing ALL of them :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 9m 29d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 15/08/03 01:19 PM Author Share Posted 15/08/03 01:19 PM Best tried when absolutely p!ssed :lol: Q.If it takes a poxed poodle 3 weeks to bumscuttle a bas*ard cat with a glass eye, how long would it take a Paradise Duck eating a yard and a half of India rubber tubing to sh1t out a gross of French Letters. A.About as long as it takes to stuff a pound of melted butter up a wildcats ar5e with a wet noodle. Umm, that sounds about right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 14d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 15/08/03 01:22 PM Share Posted 15/08/03 01:22 PM Best tried when absolutely p!ssed :lol: Q.If it takes a poxed poodle 3 weeks to bumscuttle a bas*ard cat with a glass eye, how long would it take a Paradise Duck eating a yard and a half of India rubber tubing to sh1t out a gross of French Letters. A.About as long as it takes to stuff a pound of melted butter up a wildcats ar5e with a wet noodle. Umm, that sounds about right ... surrounded by idiots! ... :nugget: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m 24d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 16/08/03 12:27 AM Share Posted 16/08/03 12:27 AM =========== Zen Rules for 2003 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just f... off and leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. 3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you fart. 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 10. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen. 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 17. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things get worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m 24d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 16/08/03 12:55 AM Share Posted 16/08/03 12:55 AM Cornering technique... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Noddy Guests Posted 17/08/03 11:52 AM Share Posted 17/08/03 11:52 AM Ever wondered why Peter Costello has never challenged John Howards leadership???Check out my avatar !!!!! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Noddy Guests Posted 17/08/03 11:59 AM Share Posted 17/08/03 11:59 AM Why do women wear black underwear?They are mourning the stiff they buried the night before...!! :LOL2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now