Joke Of The Day

[Ciaran]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Edited 22/02/12 09:25 AM by Ciaran

[Corzza]

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a p*nis?"

Tiffany giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."

St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the TIP OF YOUR FINGER in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a p*nis?"

Jennifer is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says "OK, dip your WHOLE HAND in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

Lisa replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

[Corzza]

A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom.

Did you say ‘hello’?”

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...

[Ciaran]

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. --->

...

<----- Scroll Up.

[Howsee]

Bahahahahaha

[PookeyMaster]

Lol, these are good guys

[Corzza]

"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a

Midwest town he planned to visit on his

vacation. He wrote: "I would very much like

to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed

and very well behaved. Would you be willing

to permit me to keep him in my room with

me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel

owner, who wrote: "Sir: I've been operating

this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've

never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,

silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never

had to evict a dog in the middle of the night

for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never

had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed,

your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your

dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay

here, too."

[Corzza]

[Ciaran]

Who's Konys favourite rapper?

Souljah boy.

[Corzza]

Not long after he became Prime Minister of Australia, and long before political correctness was ever heard of, Bob Hawke told this joke to 700 people at a Melbourne dinner function;

The Indian PM Indira Gandhi was looking for a way to divert attention from the political and economical mess of her government and one of her staff suggested a national lottery. The idea was accepted, the lottery was organized and the whole of India bought tickets in the hope of winning one of the three mystery prizes.

The draw was done in a large stadium, watched by millions of people. First the third prize was drawn; a first class ticket around the world on Air India, the winner was pretty happy with this. Then the second prize was drawn; a fruit cake. The winner was not happy, he complained that the third prize was better, and normally one would expect the second to be larger than the third.

The compere explains; oh, but this is a special fruit cake, it was baked by Mrs. Gandhi!

To which the winner replies; F%#*! Mrs. Gandhi!

The compere; oh no, that is first prize!

The Indian High Commissioner was not impressed.....