KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 9m 28d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 07/08/03 07:03 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 07:03 AM ed-au-ba-xr6 said: Not a joke but it's a yet another flash game on that InterWeb thing......"D'oh"!Curve BallEnjoy.Level 6: 17055Level 7: 19740 Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41376 Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 22y 12d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 07/08/03 08:56 AM Author Share Posted 07/08/03 08:56 AM level 6 16665 Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41401 Share on other sites More sharing options...
saleen Big Gun Donating Members 4,170 Member For: 22y 6m 17d Gender: Male Location: NSW Posted 07/08/03 09:17 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 09:17 AM level 7 1985. 1st go. last go. too addictive. Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41409 Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 4m 7d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 07/08/03 10:19 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 10:19 AM (edited) 2nd go: Level 7, 21,095New record: Level 8, 26,110 Edited 07/08/03 12:37 PM by aniken Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41438 Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 4m 7d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 07/08/03 10:33 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 10:33 AM A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?". "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck".The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then heremembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer.However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer"."That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door". Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41447 Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 4m 7d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 07/08/03 10:35 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 10:35 AM There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of"work" at all, whether via e-mail, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.If you do encounter "work" via e-mail or are faced with any "work" at all, then, in order to purge the virus, send an e-mail to your boss with the words "I've had enough of your crap...I'm off to the pub." The "work" will automatically be forgotten by your brain.If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life. Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41448 Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 4m 7d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 07/08/03 10:39 AM Share Posted 07/08/03 10:39 AM BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:* CLINTON VIRUS Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.* VIAGRA VIRUS Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.* LEWINSKY VIRUS Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did. * RONALD REAGAN VIRUS Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.* MIKE TYSON VIRUS Quits after two bytes. * OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.* DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS Deletes all old files. * ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS Disks can no longer be inserted. * TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky Virus) Your whole computer goes down * DISNEY VIRUS Everything in your computer goes Goofy * PROZAC VIRUS Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. * JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS Only attacks minor files. * ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK. * LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS Re-formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41450 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dis_Orderly Guests Posted 07/08/03 10:36 PM Share Posted 07/08/03 10:36 PM Turbo6man said: Instructions for giving a cat a pill1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth andswallow.2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away, fetch new one from bedroom.12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.15. Arrange for vet to make a housecall. Its all true and I have two of the buggers Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41516 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro Flower Power Lifetime Members 6,114 Member For: 22y 6m 17d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 08/08/03 02:12 AM Share Posted 08/08/03 02:12 AM New Bike. Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41567 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 4m 10d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 08/08/03 02:29 AM Share Posted 08/08/03 02:29 AM Chips for chicks Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/45/#findComment-41572 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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