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Joke Of The Day


XRSICKT

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  • SLOJAM, Gone but not forgotten
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A very shy guy goes into a tavern and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.  Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.  She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

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  • Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky
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bit of a game for you all, in case you get bored, makes your clicking finger sore after a while though

Tail Gunner

8325

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  • I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
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  • Member For: 22y 16d
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WARNING, ADULT THEMES BELOW

A guy in a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.

"Open the phucking safe" he yells at the girl behind the counter

"But we're not a real bank" she replies, "we don't have any money, this is a sperm bank".

"Don't argue, open the phucking safe or I'll blow your head off".

She obliges and once she's opened the safe door, the guy says "Take out one of the bottles and drink it".

But it's full of sperm!" she replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.

She prises the cap off and gulps it down.

Take out another one and drink it too" he demands.

She takes out another and drinks it as well.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.

"Not that difficult is it?"

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  • SLOJAM, Gone but not forgotten
  • Lifetime Members
  • Member For: 22y 2m 25d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Outer east - Melbourne
"Not that difficult is it?"

anyone got a spare shotty...... :lol: :lol:

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  • I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
  • Donating Members
  • Member For: 22y 16d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Sydney, south west

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed

As he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him- he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

And what were you thinking? Perverts, all of you :D

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