Turbo6FG Silver Donating Members 497 Member For: 15y 2m 5d Gender: Male Posted 05/10/10 06:42 AM Share Posted 05/10/10 06:42 AM TRUE STORY OF THE BEST ANSWER FROM A DRUNK YETIn summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch on Friday night.On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication.The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated in a telephone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.' Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence . 'I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin? 'He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said... 'A pumpkin? **** .... is it midnight already?' Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045281 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest XR09 Guests Posted 05/10/10 06:45 AM Share Posted 05/10/10 06:45 AM lmfao Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045284 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest XR09 Guests Posted 05/10/10 07:53 AM Share Posted 05/10/10 07:53 AM It might take a while....... Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045296 Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawlass Silver Donating Members 1,161 Member For: 17y 5m 28d Gender: Male Location: left right out Posted 05/10/10 08:32 AM Share Posted 05/10/10 08:32 AM that's funny- even mother nature has a sense of humor! Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045303 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbo6FG Silver Donating Members 497 Member For: 15y 2m 5d Gender: Male Posted 05/10/10 08:46 AM Share Posted 05/10/10 08:46 AM Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045304 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 16y 3m 6d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 05/10/10 08:31 PM Share Posted 05/10/10 08:31 PM The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"...The Indian: "I wiped my hands on the curtains." Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045413 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest XR09 Guests Posted 06/10/10 03:49 AM Share Posted 06/10/10 03:49 AM Why a man should never take a phone message for a woman.... Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045492 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbo6FG Silver Donating Members 497 Member For: 15y 2m 5d Gender: Male Posted 06/10/10 09:23 AM Share Posted 06/10/10 09:23 AM http://www.reuters.c...E6622I420100703Quotes:"It wasn't bad, but I was a little fatigued toward the end. I tried to stay relaxed and bring it home, but it wasn't enough." and"I was a little sloppy out of the blocks, but I was able to hold on," he added. "Tyson gave me great competition." Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1045586 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 16y 3m 6d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 12/10/10 08:30 PM Share Posted 12/10/10 08:30 PM First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomyclass with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with awhite sheet.The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it isnecessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the humanbody." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his fingerin the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in hismouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.The student's freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventuallytook turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and toldthem,'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in mymiddle finger and sucked on my index finger.Now learn to pay attention.". Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1047179 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 16y 3m 6d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 14/10/10 09:13 PM Share Posted 14/10/10 09:13 PM A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, S@tan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that G0d's ultimate enemy was in his presence.So S@tan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.''Aren't you afraid of me?' S@tan asked.'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked S@tan.'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted S@tan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply.'And you are still not afraid?' asked S@tan.' Nope,' said the old manMore than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years. Link to comment https://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/topic/22861-joke-of-the-day/page/403/#findComment-1047739 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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