Joke Of The Day

[mjadeb1984]

how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS

[Corzza]

Voted Best Joke in Ireland:

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,

between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending

the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub

with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only

been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time

I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[Buf-Phoon]

Corzza can you please review this thread in total too ensure there are no s

[Corzza]

I have been. However when one or more words come up in 218 pages. What do you do?

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes

the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under

the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports

for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel

Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins

to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself,

so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get

there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all

over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by

mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric

and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several

minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches

Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but

I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles'

[GOLDIE]

NSW state of origin team is todays joke.

[rednuts81]

NSW state of origin team is todays joke.

LOL

[Baddy]

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Edited 26/05/10 11:23 PM by Baddy

[Corzza]

A young boy saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?". The priest laughed ,"because, my son, I am a father!". The young boy scratched his head, "But I have a father, and he doesn't wear his shirt backwards!". Again the priest laughed. "But I am a father of thousands!". to which the young boy replied, "well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

[Corzza]

A man enters a bar and orders a drink.

The bar has a robot barman.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,

"What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about

global warming factors, Quantum physics and spirituality, bio-mimicry,

environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and

sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."

He decides to test the robot.

He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him,

"What's your IQ?" The man responds, "About 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about league,

Holdens, racing, the new BIG Mac, tattoos, Nicky Watson and women in general.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test.

He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Err, 50, I think."

And the robot says...real slowly...

"So...............ya gonna vote for Kevin again?"

[tab]