Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

An Irish priest, Father Seamus O’Reilly, was transferred to far Western Queensland.

One spring morning he rose from his bed in his parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom and as he took a deep breath he noticed a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station...

The conversation went like this:

''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Reilly at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn."

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''

There was long silence after which Father O'Reilly replied: ''Aye, dat 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''

[Panda Eyes]

the other day I tripped over a midget.

she said "I'm not happy!!!"

I replied "oh- which one are you then?"

[Corzza]

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'Onestone'.. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird's cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

with OneStone!!!

[Corzza]

Jewish Kid: "Dad, please may I have $50?"

Jewish Dad: "$40?!"

Jewish Dad: "What the hell do you need $30 for?"

[Corzza]

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist,

"Hello, Could you give me a condom? I'm going to my Girlfriend’s place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the Condom and as the young Man is going out; he returns and says,

"Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s Sister is very Cute too”.

She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner When she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,

"Go on, give me one more condom because my Girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for Dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is

Sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying,

"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us." A minute later the boys is still Praying; “and thank you Lord for your kindness." Ten minutes go by and the boy is still Praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, *"I didn't

Know you were so Religious."* The boy replies,

*"I didn't know your DAD was a Pharmacist.*

[aiboart]

Authorized Ford Dealer....

wait for it....

Servicing.

[Panda Eyes]

at least holdens have realy good rear window demisters.....

keeps your hands warm while your pushing em....

[Corzza]

It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.

Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in.

"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says.

That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do.

Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or

to a drive in movie.

Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear

all the kids are doing it."

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says

"Wha...aaat?"

"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to

screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has

revised the plans for the evening.

A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle

skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the

front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small

wink for Harold.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back

into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:

"Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

[Panda Eyes]

/\

[Corzza]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers

and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in

the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little Boy says : "Dark in here."

The Man says : "Yes, it is."

Boy : "I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?"

Man : "No, thanks."

Boy : "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"

Man : "OK, how much?"

Boy : "$150-00."

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in

the cupboard together again.

Boy : "Dark in here."

Man : "Yes, it is."

Boy : "I have soccer boots."

The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"

The Boy says : "$550-00."

The Man says : "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the Father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots,

let's go outside and have a game."

The Boy says : "I can't, I sold them for $850."

The Father says : "That's terrible to overcharge your

friends like that... $850 is way more than those two things cost. I'm

going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says : "Dark in here."

The Priest says : "Don't start that sh!t again!"

THIS IS MY CHURCH NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE