Joke Of The Day

[turbo.vixen]

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it

[t6xr]

[Turboboy]

Did you hear about the blonde from Sydney who cancelled her trip to Melbourne when she heard about the outbreak of Mexican swine flu?

[atto666]

chuck norris once killed two stones with one bird

dave

[jsmith]

PSALM 2009 – 2012

FIRST BOOK OF GOVERNMENT

Kevin is the shepherd I did not want.

He leadeth me beside the still factories.

He restoreth my faith in the Liberal party.

He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,

I shall fear no hunger for his bailouts are with me.

He has anointed my income with taxes,

My expenses runneth over.

Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life

And I will live in a rented home forever.

I am glad I am Australian,

I am glad that I am free.

But I wish I was a dog

and Kevin was a tree

[Panda Eyes]

chuck norris once killed two stones with one bird

dave

chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun...

[Buf-Phoon]

The Hoff did to Chuckles that you would not do to a Goat... end

[Turboboy]

I bought a deodorant stick today

I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said

'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'

I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!

[Buf-Phoon]

Quality

Any way I was speaking to Trent today

I said " mate I am a bit worried about you. I wan't you to get checked out

for that nasty swine flu. I know you haven't been to Mexico , but fark you

have been with some cops in your time"

[our06t]

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power.......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator: "Tell them you're too f%*%*%g stupid to own a computer!!!!!"