Joke Of The Day

[Turboboy]

WIFE:

What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:

- silence - -

HUSBAND:

F * ck....

[ralfus90]

bahahah ^^^

[turbo.vixen]

A Vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh

blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some

sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and

began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep but they

persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with

hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a

forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other

bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I f*cking didn't!"

[typhoon_freak]

nice try jamie.. I think Turboboy's joke was good

[turbo.vixen]

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.

"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.

So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.

At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the f*cking pots!"

[Guest]

Random as hell but funny

[Ace]

I think that one gives it a run for its money

[ENVY-T]

A bloke notices a hot chick giving him the eye in the supermarket.

'Do I know u?' he asks.

She says 'aren't u the dad of 1 of my kids?'

He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says 'Were u the hooker I f*cked over the pool table at my bucks night while your friend spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my butt?'

She stares at him and says 'No, I'm your daughter's teacher.'

[FG270]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

[Turboboy]

Two Ladies Talking in Purgatory

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get

warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was

cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all

by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I

started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched,

and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked

under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I

became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.