Joke Of The Day

[Chich]

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the

barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.

[our06t]

that's a goldie

[ENVY-T]

[zx6rblue]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was

severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any

skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was

Suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where

The Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour

Their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was

completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more

handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went

on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at

her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you

did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

My darling," she replied, " I get all the thanks I need every time I see

your mother kiss you on the cheek!"

[ZAP]

SONNY BILL-WILLIAMS JOKES: (Ex Bulldogs NRL player)

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwartzenegger?

A: Armold Schwartzenegger will be back.

Q: What do SBW Princess Diana and The world Trade Centre have in common?

A: They all got f***ed by an Arab

Q: Why wouldn't SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

[Guest]

SONNY BILL-WILLIAMS JOKES: (Ex Bulldogs NRL player)

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwartzenegger?

A: Armold Schwartzenegger will be back.

Q: What do SBW Princess Diana and The world Trade Centre have in common?

A: They all got f***ed by an Arab

Q: Why wouldn't SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

Sad but true

[Turboboy]

I failed my audition as Romeo, through a misunderstanding over a stage direction.

In my script it clearly said:

"Enter Juliet from the rear."

[hafadude]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied

'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

[Turboboy]

Honesty is the best policy, but some time TO LIE for honourable reasons and for the benefit of others is a true male trait.

How ? Read the following story.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'Why are you crying?'

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked..

The woodcutter replied, 'Yes.'

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep,

and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up withANGELINA JOLIE'Is this your wife?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The woodcutter replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ.

Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife .

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .'

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - 'WE ARE HONOURABLE MEN!!!!!

[ravenhard]

There was 3 supermodel Kate Moss , Elle Macpherson and that black chick Naomi Campbell sitting together flying on the plane when the Captain made an announcement over the PA that the plane was going to crash land and for everybody to make emergency preparations.

Kate Moss pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her face. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Kate says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is a girl with a pretty face so I’ll be saved first.

Then Elle Macpherson pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her breast. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Elle says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is the girl with great looking tits, so I’ll be saved first.

Naomi Campbell then pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her vagina. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Naomi says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is the Black Box!