Joke Of The Day

[KEN 24T]

This is a slightly rude cartoon:

pity I cant read German, it would probably be funny

Don't think you need to read German to 'get it'

... particularly if you bend over like that! :nugget: :lol:

[Falchoon]

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord

said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will

grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I

could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they

are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what

they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly

happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

[Falchoon]

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing

It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

(1) The woman goes to the store.

(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

(4) The man places the meat on the grill.

(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

( The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

(10)The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off.

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women...

[saleen]

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us

sitting here, years ago."

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is

loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous due to chemicals and

pesticides used on them, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused

by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have,

or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the

most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

[NT TURBO]

Three Canadians and three Americans were traveling to a hockey game.

The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an American.

Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please!" The door opens a crack, a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed American.

"Watch and you'll see," replies a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby.

Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please

[Turbo6man]

Gus Gould goes to QLD for a meeting with Wayne Bennet. After the meeting, Wayne says to Gus, "Well Gus, I don't know what you think of your players, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "

How do you know?" asks Gus.

"Oh well, it's simple", says Wayne. "They all have to take special tests before they can play here. Just watch this."

He calls Gordon Tallis over and asks him, "Tell me Gordy, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Ah, that's simple Wayne", says Gordy, "it's me!"

"Well done Gordy", says Wayne, and Gus is very impressed.

Gus returns to NSW and wonders about the intelligence of the team.

He calls in Andrew Johns and asks, "Joey, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

Joey thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit more Gus, and I'll give you the answer tomorrow?"

"Of course," says Gus, "you've got 24 hours."

Joey goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team-mates but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Joey is very worried - still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says "I know, I'll ring Brad Fittler, he's clever, he'll know the answer."

He calls Brad. "Freddie," he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Very simple", says Brad, "it's me!"

"Of course", says Joey and rings Gus. "Gus", says Joey, "I've got the answer - it's Brad Fittler".

"No, you idiot", says Gus, "it's Gordon Tallis."

[aniken]

Company picnic

[aniken]

Lunch with Carl(sburgh)

[aniken]

Men ...

[aniken]

... versus Women