Joke Of The Day

[Superdan]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your pen*s is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

[Superdan]

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk.

As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says

"NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE"

Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan

"what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt"

"Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?"

"I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt"

"but what about the smell?" the woman asks.

To which the man replies "Look, if it dies it dies!"

[Dagabond]

Wedding of the Wongs

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.

The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.

The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy,

but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.

'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,

'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,

so I think we will name him...

Sum Ting Wong

[Superdan]

[Superdan]

There were 3 girls on a plane that's about to crash.

The American girl puts on her makeup, "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first" she said.

French girl opens her bra,"Rescuers will save a girl with beautiful tits."

The African removes her knickers and says "f*ck off, they all ways look for the black box first."

[Superdan]

If a women is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

(A) You need more time together

(B) She's a prude

© She should of sat elsewhere on the bus

[Superdan]

Little Johnny was sitting in his first sex ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a pen*s on the board.

"Does anyone know what this is?" she asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!"

"Two of them?!" the teacher asked.

"Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy’s teeth!"

[Superdan]

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a

slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'

He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's

this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. 'A bowl of

soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you

like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a

rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra....I'm

still not hungry.'

'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'

[Superdan]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!

[Superdan]

Little Johnny got sent home one day from school for being bad. Upon getting home he called out for his folks but got no reply.

He heard banging and moaning coming from upstairs and went up and opened his parent’s bedroom door. Johnny was shocked to see his dad giving it to his mom - her knees were by her ears, she was taking it like a porn starlet - screaming all manner of things.

The folks noticed Johnny and froze. He let out a gasp and ran off. Stunned, his parents realized that this could be traumatic on their son and decided the dad should explain sex is something parents do when in love.

The dad looked all over the house and couldn’t find Johnny anywhere - then he heard banging and moaning coming from Grandma’s room. He opened the door only to find little Johnny railing Grandma – just banging her senseless, pumping away with her legs in the air. The dad yelled, “What the f*ck are you doing?” to which Johnny replied “It’s not so much fun when it’s your mom eh?”