Joke Of The Day

[Chich]

This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is

currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without

Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support

employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it

have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power

cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into

the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two

cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the

other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back

of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's

dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in

from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you

still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came

in?"

"Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it

was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[Turboboy]

Subject: Female Compassion.

A man was lying on a towel at the beach. He had no arms or legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said " Have you ever had a hug"

The man said "No", So she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said " Have you ever had a kiss".

The man said "No", So she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear,

"Have you ever been f***ed?

The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

The woman smiled and said "You will be when the tide comes in."

[ashmo]

that's a classic haha

Edited 21/04/08 12:10 PM by ashmo

[Turboboy]

Old man comes back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed, the Thai bride is playing with his manhood,

slowly up and down, and the old boy says "You must love that,

you haven't left it alone, since we got back."

The bride replied, "Not really, I just miss mine."

Boom, Boom!

[Chich]

What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

[jsmith]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman

police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ' Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

[senna_T]

SICK LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy'

Then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'

Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

(You're gonna love this....)

She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.

[Chich]

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

[Chich]

A woman buys milk, a newspaper and some eggs at a supermarket while in the line this man comes up and asks her

"your single arnt you"

before replying yes, she stares at her items she has bought and wonders how this man knew.

she replies "yes how did you know"

he starts to laugh and replies

"cos your ugly"

[Chich]

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a

single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and

pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom

mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the

stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the

morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26

Hot Breakfast - $4.20

Red Rose bud -$3.00

Two Aspirins -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.