Joke Of The Day

[Blonk]

Once there was an old grey XR6T owner who moved to the Adelaide hills....

oh, dont worry

[SAMSXR6T]

THE VIBRATOR

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A

STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE

OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.

SHOCKED SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MUM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND

THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE,

GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE

OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE

OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR.

TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M

THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER

GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED

THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM.

SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.

THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN

[KEN 24T]

Once there was an old grey XR6T owner who moved to the Adelaide hills....

oh, dont worry

←

....

[SAMSXR6T]

The following is a question given on a University of Washington

chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that

the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of

course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So

we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the

rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that

once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are

leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different

Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions

state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do

not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go

to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of

souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of

change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in

order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume

of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which

souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase

until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls

in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman

year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and

take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number

2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has

already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it

follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,

extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a

divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my

God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

[aniken]

A man staggered into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow paddock. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white up its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that..."

[tab]

Don't get it? Did the cow kick him?

That's pretty lame Annie....even for you

[Turbo6man]

Don't get it? Did the cow kick him?

That's pretty lame Annie....even for you

←

DUH ... doesn't surprise me in the least ... auto drivers aren't the brightest sparks in the fire eh?

Poor tab, never had a wife so wouldn't understand ... actually, what am I saying? LUCKY B@ST@RD tab has never had a wife ...

PS If you really want to know what happened tab try walking up to a shiela and suggesting to her that her @rse looks like a cow's heheheh. Just don't do it while there is any sort of weapon handy.

[stang]

There was a man, who worked for the Post Office, whose job it was to

process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no

actual address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse.

It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension

check.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for

dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.

I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched.

He showed the letter to all the other workers.

Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put

into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the

workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be

able to share with her friends.

:

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my

friends.

We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely,

Edna

[mbjunior99]

[tab]

Poor tab, never had a wife so wouldn't understand ... actually, what am I saying? LUCKY B@ST@RD tab has never had a wife ...

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How many times have you been through that? And you call me silly