Joke Of The Day

[phantomchic]

If you need a laugh, then read through these children's Science Exam answers. These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All

water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

[phantomchic]

The Way Children See Things!

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I

heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS

On

the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself

for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit. And why not, darling?

You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning..

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,

look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

[tbearz]

Dear all Master Brains

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You

have to answer them instantly. You can't take your

time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (Scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the

second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then

you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second

person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up your in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time

as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last,

and then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you

overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head

only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try

it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now

add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another

1000 now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene,

3.Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the question again.

Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he

successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and

the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair

of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Answer: He just has to ope n his mouth and ask, so

simple.

[jEtONiT]

frk only got the last one wrong.. I was imagining him pointing to his eyes lol.

[Guest FatBAt]

I find it really embarrassing to laugh my head off when I'm on my own.

But Hey! I'm on my own.

[XR6_ED]

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she

married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled

out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up her

husband's clothes and accidentally let out a big fart.

She looked up and said:

"Aww so sowwy...excuse prease, front hole so happy back hole laugh

out loud."

[KittyKatSmack]

I have discovered why men snore when laying on their back!

Their balls fall over their as*hole and they get a vapor lock

*runs for it*

Edited 22/11/05 10:30 AM by KittyKatSmack

[Guest FatBAt]

I have discovered why men snore when laying on their back!

Their balls fall over their as*hole and they get a vapor lock

*runs for it*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

HEY!.............I RESEMBLE that comment...........

[Guest FatBAt]

Q. What do you call a good looking female Arab.

A. Asiff

[XR6TT]

bit of compression lock up dosent hurt any1