Joke Of The Day

[Turbo6man]

Oh dear ! That last pic is not Shaz is it ? :smilielol:

[ENVY-T]

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chooks. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Emily raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chooks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

That was a fine story Emily. Mick, do you have a story to share?" “Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f*ck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been on the piss."

[turbotom]

I had a bunch of US dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the

local bank to exchange them.

It was a short line... just one guy in front of me...

The guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen?"

" - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys, too!"

[Blown BA]

An Arkansas Redneck is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences.

After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a

problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck under my truck. He's

still wriggling around. What should I do?''

The boss radioed back: "Use the shotgun in the back of your truck.

Shoot the pig in the head, and when it stops wriggling, pull it out and

throw it in a bush."

The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios

back. "Boss I did jest what you said; I shot the pig and dragged it out

and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"Well the blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing..."

[Blown BA]

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known

to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron,

12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic

mass of 312.

These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of

lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can

be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of

Governmentium causes 1 reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less

than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal 1/2-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a

reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In

fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more

morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed

whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as

"Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just

as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Blown BA]

How to pass an immigration test in the United States

Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally

through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you

have passed all the tests, except there is one more

test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United

States of America.

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words

Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister

Officer, I am ready."

The Officer said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green,

green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is

Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and

works at a Verizon help desk.

[Macktheknife]

*You'da thought she would be happy*

The day after the Cup, Makybe Diva and a few of her filly mates were out celebrating.

Doing a bit of a pub crawl.

They go into the saloon at the Caulfield Horse & Jockey pub and front up to the bar.

The barman comes up and says, "hey girls, why all the long faces?"

[harvyk]

So very true...

Terroristattackwarningposter.pdf

[NT TURBO]

*You'da thought she would be happy*

The day after the Cup, Makybe Diva and a few of her filly mates were out celebrating.

Doing a bit of a pub crawl.

They go into the saloon at the Caulfield Horse & Jockey pub and front up to the bar.

The barman comes up and says, "hey girls, why all the long faces?"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You must be getting a bit horse from telling that one. I'm sure even the mare has heard it by now.

Sorry Mac dont let my comments buck you, just keep riding it.

[Blown BA]

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field

trip to Churchill Downs, the local race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with

one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came

out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys

up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to

show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

"No, ma'am," he replied. ... "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race."