Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 10m 20d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 05/10/05 06:18 AM Share Posted 05/10/05 06:18 AM Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his 'Vette, and they both leave the parking lot. The guy in the Corvette decides to show off and race out of the parking lot. He stops at a stop light. Enjoying his music he looks out the window and sees the guy on the moped flying by at about 80 mph! He can't believe a moped can go that fast! So he races up to the guy on the moped and passes him again to show how fast he can go. At the next stop light, the guy on the moped speeds by once more. Finally the Corvette and moped stop at the same stop light. ''How the hell did you go past me so fast like that!?'' the guy in the Corvette asks. The guy on the moped, all flushed and pale, looks at the man and says, ''MY SUSPENDERS ARE CAUGHT IN YOUR CAR DOOR!!!!'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 10m 20d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 05/10/05 06:19 AM Share Posted 05/10/05 06:19 AM A woman is approaching a very small Bistro. She calls the barkeeper and, when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. "Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek."Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies."Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair."Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation."Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips."Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans."I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on."What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth."Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gassit Grow old not up! Donating Members 227 Member For: 20y 9m 16d Location: Behind the wheel. Posted 06/10/05 06:30 AM Share Posted 06/10/05 06:30 AM Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store givesyou a hard way to go! Should be funA woman went to a K-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants arefund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tellsher that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.Suddenly,the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the storemanager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to thewoman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that hecan't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the womanthrows her arms up in the air and starts screaming"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!"And doing so draws and even bigger crowd! In shock, the store managerpleads "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says,"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'm being SCREWED!!"The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gassit Grow old not up! Donating Members 227 Member For: 20y 9m 16d Location: Behind the wheel. Posted 06/10/05 06:42 AM Share Posted 06/10/05 06:42 AM Subject: FW: Steve Irwin & the blondeSteve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.He puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patronsand says:"I will make a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitaliainside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.Then he'llopenhis mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return forwitnessingthis spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar,dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's openmouth.The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Irwingrabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the top of its head.The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals unscathed aspromised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks weredelivered.Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100who'swilling to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd.After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde womantimidly spoke up..."I'll try it, Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redhawk ....Time to lay this fairytale aside...... Donating Members 2,657 Member For: 21y 10m 19d Gender: Male Location: In the Ferry on the River Styx, not getting out just yet! Posted 06/10/05 11:18 PM Share Posted 06/10/05 11:18 PM An Asian guy in America was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen and today only get a hunat eighty?"The bank teller said: "Fluctuations."The Asian guy says "Fluc you amelicans too" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m 9d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 07/10/05 12:08 PM Share Posted 07/10/05 12:08 PM An Asian guy in America was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen and today only get a hunat eighty?"The bank teller said: "Fluctuations."The Asian guy says "Fluc you amelicans too" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 10m 20d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 10/10/05 05:53 AM Share Posted 10/10/05 05:53 AM Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 10m 20d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 10/10/05 05:54 AM Share Posted 10/10/05 05:54 AM What am I? I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in n out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am. What am I? Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 10m 20d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 10/10/05 05:55 AM Share Posted 10/10/05 05:55 AM A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his pen*s. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the pen*s was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his pen*s. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbofalke Member 658 Member For: 20y 2m 14d Location: Mexico Posted 10/10/05 10:15 PM Share Posted 10/10/05 10:15 PM This one makes me LaughTheFatContoller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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