Joke Of The Day

[stang]

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches. That fish will jump for the fly and I will grab him."

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich... "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."

You probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more...

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time ~ "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich. Then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly. The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The cat jumps for the mouse. The mouse ducks. The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story: Whenever a fly goes down three inches some *beep* is in serious danger.

[TUFGSR]

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small

tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the

first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this

tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do

it for old time's sake?"

"Oooooooh, Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good

idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,

having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two

old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on

them so there's no trouble."

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for

support, aided by walking sticks.

Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the

fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man

drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the

fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious

sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.

They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for

about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her

hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is

amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After

about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the

old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was

going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple

passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex

for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a

fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, . . . . . . . . . . .

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"

[Antisocial]

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation.

......

In an Austrian hotel for skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

.....

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

.......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Antisocial]

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup ana lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna

have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.

Whadda you gonna do then.....pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up?"

[phantomchic]

Doggie on the back seat of a XR6 TURBO!!

[Turbo6man]

 

Doggie on the back seat of a XR6 TURBO!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes please .... ooops, my bad. I didn't see the pic.

[Turbo6man]

 

Doggie on the back seat of a XR6 TURBO!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Looks like the mutt has just been to Calder with Geea ... one second sitting up straight and the next second sucked into the boot!

[phantomchic]

 

Doggie on the back seat of a XR6 TURBO!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes please .... ooops, my bad. I didn't see the pic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

errm OOPS..

that could have got out of hand ...

[Macktheknife]

Speaking of dogs.....

Bill and Claude were walking back home from the bowling club after a spot of lunch and a few schooners.

They came across an old blue cattle dog sitting on the footpath licking himself.

"Struth" says Bill. I wish I could do that"

"Crikey" says Claude. "Ya better pat him first, he might bite ya otherwise"

[Turbo6man]

 

Doggie on the back seat of a XR6 TURBO!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes please .... ooops, my bad. I didn't see the pic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

errm OOPS..

that could have got out of hand ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's all good Shaz - everything is under control. I was keeping abreast of things ...