Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applied to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time! .

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(This was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where a! lcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...? Did the government pay for this research?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too)

And, last but not least?.

Turtles can breathe through their butts

[CJF077]

Have to admit this is funny

[Cro]

Reminds me of those old Hilux ads

[Blown BA]

A man walks into the church and sits in the confession booth.

He says to the priest, "Father I have sinned, I was golfing

yesterday and I cursed. "

The priest replied, "Well would you like to tell me about it? "

"Well I was on the seventh hole and I had just hit my best drive

of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, and a

long, long way out there. So feeling pretty good about myself

I walked to wards my ball, but as I got within 30 feet of it, a

squirrel ran out of the forest and grabbed my ball. "

The priest interrupted, "OOOhhh I see, that's when you cursed."

The man replied, "0h no Father, I did not curse then, but as the

squirrel was running away, it reached the edge of the fairway and

was quickly caught by a hawk, which promptly flew way up high I

nto the air."

Once again the priest interrupted, "That must have been when you

cursed then."

But the man continued,"No Father, the hawk started flying away

and I followed it because it flew in the direction of the green. As

it passed over the green, it dropped the squirrel out of its talons,

causing the squirrel to drop my ball about 3 feet from the pin."

The priest interrupts one more time,

"Oh, don’t tell me you missed the phucking putt!"

[Blown BA]

Lucy, Jenna, Georgia, and Meg returned to the clubhouse after

an afternoon of golf.

"How did your game go?" asked the club pro.

"Great," replied Lucy. "I had a terrific round with 25 riders."

"Very good," said Jenna. "I did pretty well with 18 riders."

"Okay," allowed Georgia. "I didn't do too badly with 12 riders."

"Not too good." admitted Meg. "I only had four riders the entire

round."

A bit confused, but not wanting to sound ignorant because he

didn't know what a rider was, the pro smiled and wished them

better luck the next time. After they left, however, he approached

Joe the bartender and asked, "Joe, can you tell me what the f*ck

a 'rider' is?"

"Sure," said Joe, smiling.

"A rider is when she hits a shot long enough to take a ride on a

golf cart."

[Blown BA]

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and I was

a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls

you see advertised in phone books.

I decided to phone one called Erogeonique, lovely girl,

bending over in the photo -- beautiful. So I picked up

the card and I dialed the number.

"Hello?" the woman says.

"Hi, I hear you do massage and I'd like you to come to

my room and give me a massage. No...wait, I want sex...

I want it hard, fast and now!

I'm talking kinky, the whole night, you name it we'll do it.

Bring implements, bring toys... do the lot, all night, tie

me up, cover me in anything. Now how does that sound.?

She says,

"That sounds fantastic... But for an outside line you press 9."

[sixfan]

Swann insurance.

now that's a joke.

[Flukey]

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and I was

a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls

you see advertised in phone books.

I decided to phone one called Erogeonique, lovely girl,

bending over in the photo -- beautiful. So I picked up

the card and I dialed the number.

"Hello?" the woman says.

"Hi, I hear you do massage and I'd like you to come to

my room and give me a massage. No...wait, I want sex...

I want it hard, fast and now!

I'm talking kinky, the whole night, you name it we'll do it.

Bring implements, bring toys... do the lot, all night, tie

me up, cover me in anything. Now how does that sound.?

She says,

"That sounds fantastic... But for an outside line you press 9."

That is a pisser

[aniken]

Amanda Vanstone was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver.

Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow.

Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.

"Is it alright?" asks Amanda from the comfort of the back seat.

The driver prodded the cow with his foot, and shook his head............

No, ma'am, it's dead."

"Well you were driving, not me, so you go and tell the farmer what happened!"

So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.

A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of Champagne with his clothes scruffy and all messed up..........................

"Oh my God, what happened to you?", Amanda exclaimed as she saw the driver.

"Well ma'am, the farmer gave me this bottle of Champagne, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss, and their daughter had sex with me "!!

"What the hell did you say?"

"Well ma'am, I just said..........." I'm Amanda Vanstone's driver, and I just killed the cow."

[Dagabond]

VAN GOGH'S RELATIVES

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ...

--- U. Gogh

The brother who accidentally bleached all his clothes white..

--- Hue Gogh

The real obnoxious brother ...

--- Please Gogh

The brother who ate prunes ...

--- Gotta Gogh

The uncle who worked at a convenience store ...

--- Stop N. Gogh

His dizzy aunt ...

--- Verti Gogh

His domineering aunt...

--- Vira Gogh

The cousin who moved to Illinois ...

--- Chica Gogh

His magician uncle ...

--- Wherediddy Gogh

The cousin who lived in Mexico ...

--- Grin Gogh

He also had a Mexican relative ...

--- Amee Gogh

The nephew that drove a stage coach ...

--- Wells Far Gogh

The uncle who was constipated ...

--- Cant Gogh

The aunt who loved ballroom dancing ...

--- Tan Gogh

His ornithologist uncle ...

--- Flamin Gogh

His nephew, the Freudian psychoanalyst ...

--- E. Gogh

His cousin who loved tropical fruits ...

--- Mang Gogh

And he had an aunt who taught the power of positive thinking ...

--- Whey Too Gogh

His bouncy young nephew ...

--- Poe Gogh

His Disco-loving sister ...

--- Go Gogh