Joke Of The Day

[tuffxr6]

What does batman and a blackman have in common,they both cant go anywhere without robin :lol:

[stardust]

A woman walks into social security and informs the person at the front desk that she wishes to claim for her 10 children.

The person at the desk .... could you give me their names please

Woman... yes they are wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne she replied

Person at desk... Gee that could be confusing why did you call them all wayne for ?

Woman..... well cause I only have to say Wayne dinner is ready once and they all come to dinner, and wayne its bedtime and they all go to bed.

Person at desk... So what do you do if you want only one of your children ??

Woman... well then I use their surname

[tuffxr6]

Why are panadol white,because they work.

[Dagabond]

Twelve thoughts for the day.

1. Life is sexually transmitted.

2. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

3. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

5. Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

8. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

9. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

10. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

12. You read about all these terrorists, most of whom came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; You are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

[Miss_Aly]

Do you know why cook's are called fitters and turners?

Cause they fit food in a pot and turn it into sh*t.

[Miss_Aly]

Friendship Prayer

May the fleas from a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...

Amen

[Miss_Aly]

----- Got to just love this WOMAN!!!

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and, airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house... The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

..... including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????

[Miss_Aly]

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her

shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who

should answer the door, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a

towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before

she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you $500 to drop that towel that you

have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in

front of Bob.After a few seconds, Bob hands her the money and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps up and goes

back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from

the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time

with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable

exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he

stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed

her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the

car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and

immediately said, "Father, psalm 129"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to

remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg. The nun

once again said, "Father, psalm 129".

Once again the priest apologized."Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and

went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to

retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. "Go forth and seek, further up,

you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch

when they find an antique lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff

of smoke. He says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of

you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,

driving a Porsche, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in

Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply

of pina coladas and the love of my life" Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're turn, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want

those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

[Miss_Aly]

IT'S FINISHED!!!... ATHENS 2004 SOCCER STADIUM

[Miss_Aly]

The Letter all parents dread!!

I entered my daughter's bedroom and saw a letter over the bed. With the

worst premonition, I read it with trembling hands:

Dear Mum

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you I eloped with my new boyfriend. I have found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But its not only that mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his caravan in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams too. I've learned that marihuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and for his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the cure for AIDS, so that Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.

Don't worry mum, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Some day I'll visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love Jenna xxx

PS: Mum, it's not true! I'm round next door. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my school report which is in my desk drawer.........I love you!!!