Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 31/07/04 05:06 AM Share Posted 31/07/04 05:06 AM I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-carty nutter Member 1,966 Member For: 21y 1m 22d Location: Wagga Wagga Posted 31/07/04 05:16 AM Share Posted 31/07/04 05:16 AM there is a no armed no legged coyboy, sitting on his horse, he has a budgie on his left shoulder, and gps tracking unit...he rides up to a gorge, which is 200m across, 500m drop to the bottom and to get around its 2000km to go around the left side, and 2000km around the right side. he has an appointment in 1 hour at the dentist...he needs to get past.. figure out how he will get past... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-carty nutter Member 1,966 Member For: 21y 1m 22d Location: Wagga Wagga Posted 31/07/04 05:16 AM Share Posted 31/07/04 05:16 AM give up?so did he.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 01/08/04 09:03 AM Share Posted 01/08/04 09:03 AM give up?so did he.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 02/08/04 06:46 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 06:46 AM A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?""Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train.""Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?""I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 02/08/04 06:47 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 06:47 AM An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck, and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside it was a pearl worth $50,000.Please advise?"The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 02/08/04 06:49 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 06:49 AM Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?A: It's his photo ID.Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?A: Nothing - "yet".Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?A: B-52...F-16...B-1...Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?A: Duck.Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!Q: What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?A: The bucket.Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?A: Two days.Q: Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?A: They hate bread.Q: Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?A: The camels can't handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tab Sucker Moderating Team 32,303 Member For: 20y 10m 2d Gender: Male Location: Brisbane Posted 02/08/04 08:57 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 08:57 AM If you have a weak stomach or have just eaten, then don't look at the attachment. It is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper. Taken shortly after he landed, it shows him with his insides now on the outside. The look of horror on the faces of the bystanders is an indication of the horror of the scene.Trent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 2m 10d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 02/08/04 09:58 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 09:58 AM ha ha was his name Humpty by any chance?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 2m 10d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 02/08/04 09:58 AM Share Posted 02/08/04 09:58 AM Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon beavailable in Liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a powerbeverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaningto the names "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiffdrink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount And Do." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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