Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 26/07/04 06:19 AM Share Posted 26/07/04 06:19 AM A man walked into a pub with an Ostrich and a *beep* Cat. He walked up the the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat". They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks.Next it was the ostrichs round. He walked up to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat". He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them.When it was the Cat's turn to buy, he told them to "F@@k off!"So the man went back to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich and whisky for the cat".The Barman was curious about this and said "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why is this?". The man replied, "I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish"."What did you wish for?" said the Barman."I wished for a long legged bird with a tight *beep*!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 26/07/04 06:20 AM Share Posted 26/07/04 06:20 AM An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck, and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside it was a pearl worth $50,000.Please advise?"The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom XR8 Member 85 Member For: 20y 11m 10d Posted 26/07/04 11:13 PM Share Posted 26/07/04 11:13 PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 28d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 26/07/04 11:15 PM Share Posted 26/07/04 11:15 PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 2m 10d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 27/07/04 02:49 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 02:49 AM A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc?... I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin - in every way." The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; ...an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breas*s. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these." He immediately drops his pants and replies,... "Look at this, ... still in the CRATE!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 27/07/04 06:52 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 06:52 AM Yo mama's so hairy...- Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.- Yo mama's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her.- Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a head lock.- Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.- Yo mama's so hairy, she has afros on her nipples.- Yo mama's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth.- Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.- Yo mama's so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.- Yo mama's so hairy, when she spreads her legs ,the first thing that comes to my mind is "We're going to Bush Gardens." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 27/07/04 06:53 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 06:53 AM Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four.""All right. How long do you need them?"The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."After a while, he returned to the office and said, -"A long time. We're gonna build a house..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 27/07/04 06:54 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 06:54 AM The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," the teacher said. The second kid said "3.8" "Not quite" the teacher said. Finally the third kid said "That's easy, 4" "Yes, you all get recess now". At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said "It's all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 28d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 27/07/04 07:25 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 07:25 AM The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," the teacher said. The second kid said "3.8" "Not quite" the teacher said. Finally the third kid said "That's easy, 4" "Yes, you all get recess now". At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said "It's all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head. ... that was disappointing ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 18d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 27/07/04 08:31 AM Share Posted 27/07/04 08:31 AM The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," the teacher said. The second kid said "3.8" "Not quite" the teacher said. Finally the third kid said "That's easy, 4" "Yes, you all get recess now". At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said "It's all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head.... that was disappointing ... Can't please every old fart :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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