Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun, "I have never seen a woman's breas*s, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?"

The nun agrees and shows him her breas*s. "May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are.

The nun then asks, "Father, I have never seen a man's pen*s before, could you show me yours?" The priest drops his drawers.

"May I touch it?" After she fondles his pen*s for a minute he sports a huge erection.

The priest says, "You know if I place my pen*s in the proper place it can give life!"

"Is that right?" the nun replies.

"Yes"

"Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and let's get the hell out of here!"

[tab]

Need to relieve some agression - this will make you feel much better, try it on one of your colleagues.

Trent.

[Guest Scootre]

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned

to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially

embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall

asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm

sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet

to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend

that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

[CJF077]

Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children. :lol:

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).

A: The body is consisted into three parts-the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainium contains the brain;

the borax contains the heart and lungs,

and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,

A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you are eight.

[Falchoon]

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.

The guy in back says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

The first guys turns around and says, "hey man, shut the hell up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. The guy in back, once again, starts, "Yeah baby... mmm... yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells the man to be quiet.

So three women come out and start stripping. The guy in back is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey man, where's all your excitement now?"

The guy behind him says, "All over your back!"

[KEN 24T]

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

[Blown BA]

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull in, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him!" After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?!" The guy in the front says, "Well....I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself!"

[Blown BA]

A college professor has a reputation for offending women in his anthropology classes, so a bunch of students got together and agreed to walk out the next time it happened.

The next week, while discussing an obscure African tribe, the professor leered and said, "Do you know that the men over there have penises twelve inches long?"

With that, the students rose and headed for the door, adhering to their boycott agreement.

"Oh, come on girls," snickered the professor, "the plane doesn't leave till Sunday."

[Blown BA]

A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was

failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed

everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last

resort he went to a Rabbi and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the Rabbi said, "Here's what I want you to do:

Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the

beach.

Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the

beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind

will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a

page.

Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be

your answer, that will tell you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the Rabbi and brought his

wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit,

his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled

an

envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the Rabbi as

a donation in thanks for his advice.

The Rabbi recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I

suggested?" he asked.

"Absolutely," replied the businessman.

"You went to the beach?"

"Absolutely."

"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"

"Absolutely."

"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"

"Absolutely."

"And what were the first words you saw?"

"Chapter 11."

_________________

Since God is watching us, the *least* we can do is be entertaining.

[Guest]

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

You plagerist,you stole that from My Old Mans a Dustman,wasnt born yesterday you know,Poor old Lonnie.

vik