Joke Of The Day

[Master G]

What do you get when you Cross a Hells Angel with a Jehovahs Witness?

Someone who knocks on your front Door and Tells you to F**ck off!

[turbotom]

{{{{RING}}}}

{{{{RING}}}}

***Pick Up***

"Hi honey, this is Daddy...Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, she's upstairs with Uncle Frank"

"After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now!"

"Uh, okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy! Hang on"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my God!!!!!" "And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool...but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."

*****Long pause*****

*****More Pause*****

Then Daddy says...."Swimming Pool???" ......" Is this 3555-7039? "

[Falchoon]

There is audio but it is really soft, but it explains the ad well. You will need to hear it. So turn up the speakers so you can hear it.

THIS IS NOT PORN!

http://www.leksus.com/Videos/werbung.mpg

[turbotom]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it."

"You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And besides.. you're single. Just let it go.."

Invariably another other voice would bring him back to reality..........

whispering.............

whispering.........................

whispering.........................

"Dave... you're a vet..."

[Dagabond]

I think I just in my pant's.

THIS IS NOT PORN!

NO it's not is it.........do the word's deadman walking sound familiar?

[turbotom]

The ballerina!

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked:

"What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar,an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed;

"Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked;

"What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said:

"Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said;

"I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied;

"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!"

:lol:

[Falchoon]

I think I just  in my pant's.

THIS IS NOT PORN!

NO it's not is it.........do the word's deadman walking sound familiar?

he he he! :lol:

[Blown BA]

The pen*s Poem

My nookie days are over,

My pilot light is out,

What used to be my sex appeal,

Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,

From my trousers it would spring,

But now I've got a full-time job,

To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing,

The way it would behave,

For every single morning,

It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,

It sure gives me the blues,

To see it hang its little head,

And watch me tie my shoes!

[SR-71 Blackbird]

Boss I got a problem.

[SR-71 Blackbird]

Any old boat in a storm.