HellionXR6T I'm Back!! Thats right, long over due! :) Lifetime Members 4,348 Member For: 22y 3m 21d Gender: Male Location: West Brisbane Posted 22/04/04 05:55 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 05:55 AM Hmm...Well here's one for ya's with a Long Weekend approaching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellionXR6T I'm Back!! Thats right, long over due! :) Lifetime Members 4,348 Member For: 22y 3m 21d Gender: Male Location: West Brisbane Posted 22/04/04 05:58 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 05:58 AM Here we go:Bit rude but good A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamppartially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted threewishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explorethe house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills.Then there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods;..... it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one"Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but to be hung like a black man is beyond me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 2m 5d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 22/04/04 06:53 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 06:53 AM 1973: Long hair 2003: Longing for hair 1973: KEG 2003: EKG 1973: Acid rock 2003: Acid reflux 1973: Moving to California because it's cool 2003: Moving to California because it's warm 1973: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2003: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1973: Seeds and stems 2003: Roughage 1973: Hoping for a BMW 2003: Hoping for a BM 1973: The Grateful Dead 2003: Dr. Kevorkian 1973: Going to a new, hip joint 2003: Receiving a new hip joint 1973: Rolling Stones 2003: Kidney Stones 1973: Being called into the principal's office 2003: Calling the principal's office 1973: Screw the system 2003: Upgrade the system 1973: Disco 2003: Costco 1973: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2003: Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1973: Passing the drivers' test 2003: Passing the vision test 1973: Whatever 2003: Depends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 2m 5d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 22/04/04 06:56 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 06:56 AM The people who are starting uni this year were born in 1985. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced the year they were born. They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane". They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guests Posted 22/04/04 10:28 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 10:28 AM Yea thanks for the big type aniken,about the only thing I liked about it ..vik (56er here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lumpen Poison Fish. Poison Fish. TASTY FISH!!! Donating Members 5,181 Member For: 21y 11m 10d Gender: Male Location: The Bogan Shire Posted 22/04/04 11:03 AM Share Posted 22/04/04 11:03 AM (edited) The people who are starting uni this year were born in 1985. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced the year they were born. They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane". They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading.Born in 1984Challenger! Space Rocket go BANG!AIDS!AIDS kills mofos, What next, you stick your dick in her and it goes BANG! (Courtesy of Eddie Murphy-Delirious)Bottle Caps are only screw off if you don't drink decent beer.Vinyls sounds so much better too, doesn't it?Answering machine? I still don't have one, or even a Microwave.Cable TV. Only reason I'd have it is if I could rip Murdoch off (Anybody knows how to do that)The remote Well maybe I'm addicted to that...Jay Leno has also always pissed me off.Popcorn only ever comes to me at movies...in the Big Smoke.Not Jaws, we only swam and thought of PirahnaAt the age of 19 I hope I wouldn't NEED contacts.Here I was thinking Mork was Manufactured Pork, kinda like SPAM...Hey, I heard "Wheres the Beef" on the Simpsons....I shot JR but I did not shoot that Kennedy.McDonalds in Styrofoam...Is that a form of Scottish Packaging.I love typewriters, who doesn't like the Jarring feel of shattering bone after typing the fourth revison of a letter cos you ran out of white out...Feel Old? I live with a man who can remember people cutting about on Horse and Cart! Now THAT would make you feel old! Edited 22/04/04 11:06 AM by Lumpen Proletariat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkey Member 337 Member For: 21y 1m 18d Posted 22/04/04 10:34 PM Share Posted 22/04/04 10:34 PM A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain." "However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right there and then." admitted the man, shamefacedly. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head; "We're not welcome at Bunnings either." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 26d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 23/04/04 03:21 AM Share Posted 23/04/04 03:21 AM vik (56er here) GRANDPA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guests Posted 24/04/04 01:15 PM Share Posted 24/04/04 01:15 PM vik (56er here)GRANDPA!!! You can bloody talk, and only missed out on a dose of the crabs by daysvik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlennAUII Former XT pilot Lifetime Members 4,791 Member For: 21y 7m 2d Gender: Male Location: The Womb Posted 24/04/04 01:24 PM Share Posted 24/04/04 01:24 PM vik (56er here)GRANDPA!!! You can bloody talk, and only missed out on a dose of the crabs by daysvik :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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