Joke Of The Day

[GlennAUII]

:lol:

[Macktheknife]

Ed etc........

*%##+^@* classic

[turbotom]

The value of Underwear........

open the attached article below... :lol:

[Turbo6man]

One evening after attending the theatre, two gents were walking down the street when they

observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just ahead of them. One of them

turned to the other and remarked “I’d give one hundred dollars to spend the night with that

woman”. To their surprise the young lady overheard the remark and turning around said “I’ll

take you up on that”. She had a neat appearance and pleasant voice so after bidding his

companion goodnight the man accompanied the lady back to her apartment where they

immediately went to bed. The following morning the man presented her with fifty dollars as

he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating “if you don’t give me the

other fifty dollars I will sue you”. He laughed saying “I’d like to see you get it on those

grounds”. The next day he was surprised to receive a summons ordering him to appear in

court as a defendant in a law suit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the

case. His lawyer said “She can’t possibly get judgement against you on such grounds, but it

will be interesting to see how her case will be presented”. After the usual preliminaries the

lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows ...

“Your honour, my client, this young lady here, is the owner of a piece of property ... a garden

spot, surrounded by a profuse amount of shrubbery, which she had agreed to rent to the

defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of one hundred dollars. The defendant

took possession of the property and used it extensively for the purpose for which it was

rented but on evacuation of the premises he paid only fifty dollars, half the amount agreed.

The rent was not excessive since it is restricted property and we ask judgement be granted

against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented

the case. His defence was therefore somewhat altered from how he had originally planned to

present it ...

“Your honour, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did

rent for transaction. However my client found a well on the property, around which he placed

his own stones, sunk a shaft and erected a pump, all labour being performed personally by

himself. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid

account, and that the lady was adequately compensated for the rental of the property, and

we therefore ask that the application not be granted.”

The lady’s lawyer then made the final address ...

“Your honour, my client agrees that the defendant did find such a well on the property and he

did make improvements such as has been described. However, had the defendant not

known the well existed he would never had rented the property. Also, upon vacating the

premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and took the pump with

him. In so doing, he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, he left a hole

much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children. I

therefore ask that judgement be granted to my client” ... AND IT WAS!!

[Falchoon]

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she

accidently cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When

she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his

pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to

the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around

she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "So you think that's funny?

Watch this!"

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting

really mad. He hets his knife back out and slices her tyres. Now she's

really laughing.

The truck driver is starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets

a can of petrol, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around

and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?"

the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't

looking, I stepped outside the circle!!"

[HellionXR6T]

Onya `Hoon, not bad.

[GlennAUII]

:lol:

Surely that isn't original falchoon!

[Cro]

A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks,

"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter.

When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[stang]

Two drunks go to the zoo and there standin outside the lion cage. All of a sudden the lion roars at the drunk on the left. The drunk on the right says to his mate come on lets go and the drunk on the left turns around and sys not now the movies just about to start.

p.s you might need to think about it.

regards

stang

[aniken]

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave.

They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff has assured them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off immediately after that.

The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms -- both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads though the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the window realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will crash into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin -- but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Tony, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."