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Joke Of The Day


XRSICKT

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  • I see red
  • Member
  • Member For: 21y 11m 16d
  • Location: nowhere in particular

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In

honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But,

before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first

request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers

in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver

returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief

watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a

very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What

is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to

him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes

off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that

evening, the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a

voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters

the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are

indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What

is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone

Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks

him square in the eye and says, "Listen carefully dickhead, for the last

time, I said, "Bring Posse!"

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ok here's a joke a man walkes into a bar and say's can I have 14 shots and the bar man say's what is the occation and the guy say's I got my frist blow job today and the bar man say's well another 6 shots on the house and the men repiles no cause if the frist 14 doesn't get the taste out of mouth then nothing would

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  • Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky
  • Member
  • Member For: 21y 5m 3d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: The Shire, Middle Earth
Hey ken.... beer works a treat huh! :lol:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/beer.shtml

mmmmmmmmm, Britney .... :hiwelcome:

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  • Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky
  • Member
  • Member For: 21y 5m 3d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: The Shire, Middle Earth
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/celebgay.html

Go here! take no note of the URL name. no *beep* celebs in there! :lol:

Plonky? :birthdaywish:

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  • I see red
  • Member
  • Member For: 21y 11m 16d
  • Location: nowhere in particular

God bless da territorians...>

>

> NORTHERN TERRITORY ETIQUETTE

>

> General Rules

>

> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

> 3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.

> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

> 5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude

> to take the trailer to the funeral home

>

> DINING OUT

>

> 1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour

> slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one

> hand.

>

> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

>

> 1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared

> by a taxidermist.

> 2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good

> his manners.

>

> PERSONAL HYGIENE

>

> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done

> in private, using ones OWN ute keys.

> 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

> 3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.

> 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it

> detracts from a woman's jewellery and alters the taste of finger

>foods.

>

> DATING (outside the family)

>

> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first

> date.

> 2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been

> wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny

> door two years ago."

> 3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back.

>Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the

>answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

>

>

> THEATRE ETIQUETTE

>

> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after

> the movie ends.

> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have

> proven they can't hear you.

>

> WEDDINGS

>

> 1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

> 2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.

> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a

> cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky

>appearance.

> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the

> occasion.

>

> DRIVING ETIQUETTE

>

> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the

> gun's loaded and the roo's in sight.

> 2. When approaching a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest

> tyres doesn't always have the right of way.

> 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's

> impolite to ask her to also bring back beer.

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