Joke Of The Day

[sharkey]

Who do you fly with?

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which

conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during

the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct

the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets

before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of

humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems

as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance

engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[GlennAUII]

I feel like doing this at times...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/angryspam.html

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[ktford]

falchoon,

I tried to read this out to swmbo but couldn't stop laughing.

Scotty

[Falchoon]

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."

[100%]

TERRORISM ALERT READ NOW!!!!!! IMPORTANT

We have just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of our office. Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Hidin, Bin Fukinabout, Bin

Lunchin, and Bin Drinkin have all been taken into custody. Security have advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at our office. Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time..

[Falchoon]

Along the same theme as above...

[GlennAUII]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bangbangbang.shtml

:lol: HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

[GlennAUII]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/dogs.shtml

I recommend broadband for this one. :lol:

[GlennAUII]

Hey ken.... beer works a treat huh! :lol:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/beer.shtml

[Guest VixxenChiQ]

Blood Sucker

:asthanos:

A Vampire bat flies in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and

parks himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. All the other

bats, who hadn't had any luck that night, gather around and hassle him about where he got it.

he tells them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persist

until he finaly gives in. :reallymad:

"Okay, follow me," he says and flies out of the cave with hundreds of

bats behind him.

Down through a valley they go, across a river and into a huge forrest.

finally he slows down and all the other bads excitedly mill around him,

tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asks

"Yes, Yes, YES!!" the bats scream in a frenzy. :licklips:

"Good," says the first bat. "because I f*cking didn't" :banghead: