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Joke Of The Day


XRSICKT

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  • Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky
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  • Member For: 21y 5m 2d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: The Shire, Middle Earth
How do you guys find this crap...

I have the new Crap-matic 2004 ... traded in the old Crap-matic 2002 and got a really good price.

The new one has much better range and reception. It even has a BS filter. Great for use on this forum. :nod:

:smilielol:

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  • Bored Member
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  • Member For: 22y 18d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Dé·jà vu
How do you guys find this crap...

I have the new Crap-matic 2004 ... traded in the old Crap-matic 2002 and got a really good price.

The new one has much better range and reception. It even has a BS filter. Great for use on this forum. :ph34r:

:smilielol:

:thumbsup: So you dont preview your own post's then??

It's called the internet sash you can find heap's on it!! :innocent:

Cant be shagged re-typing or checkin to see if it's been posted already:

A MAN IS LYING IN BED IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AN OXYGEN MASK OVER HIS MOUTH.

A YOUNG NURSE APPEARS TO SPONGE HIS HANDS AND FEET.

"NURSE", HE MUMBLES FROM BEHIND THE MASK, "ARE MY T ESTICLES BLACK?" EMBARRASSED, THE YOUNG NURSE REPLIES, "I DON'T KNOW, I'M ONLY HERE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AND FEET"

HE STRUGGLES AGAIN TO ASK, "NURSE, ARE MY T ESTICLES BLACK?"

FINALLY, SHE PULLS BACK THE COVERS, RAISES HIS GOWN, HOLDS HIS P ENIS IN ONE HAND AND HIS T ESTICLES IN HER OTHER HAND AND TAKES A CLOSE LOOK, AND SAYS, "THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!"

FINALLY, THE MAN PULLS OFF HIS OXYGEN MASK AND REPLIES, "THAT WAS VERY NICE BUT, ARE... MY... TEST... RESULTS... BACK???"

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  • Flower Power
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  • Member For: 22y 1m 21d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Sydney

A bus carrying only really ugly people crashes into an oncoming

truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker,

and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant

them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish

is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it

is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be

gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line,

the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people

left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his arse off.

Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says...... "Make 'em all ugly again".

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  • Member For: 21y 2m 26d
  • Location: Parklea - Sydney

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he asks.

"That's cool," says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds,

"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

"Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw, she'll screw all night if we let her!"

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and immediately revised his plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

"DAMMIT, DADDY! THE TWIST!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

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