Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

A man walks up to a woman in his office every day, stands very close to her, inhales a big breath of air through his nose and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any more and takes her complaint to a supervisor in Human Resources.

Without identifying the guy, she explains what her co-worker does and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

[XRSICKT]

The new Batch of Christmas cards

**WARNING**

Some if these have language in them

[XRSICKT]

#2

[XRSICKT]

#3

[XRSICKT]

#4

[XRSICKT]

& Lucky last

its my 700th post too

[JJ_Phantom]

A passenger plane travelling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean. The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores.

Though he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.

Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs

into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...it's Kylie Minogue!

Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an Immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love. One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her newfound love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face. She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong.

"Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing."

Kylie replies: "What my darling? What is it that you need? I'll do anything".

"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"

OK"

"And my trousers?"

"OK"

At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips.

"OK... Can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."

"OK dear, whatever will make you happy."

So off they set. After an hour walking he eventually sees her heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:

"Hey mate, you won't believe who I'm shagging!!"

[KEN 24T]

A man pulls his car up alongside a boy walking down the footpath.

"I'll give you $10 if you hop in" he says.

"No!" replies the boy.

He drives slowly beside him for a bit before having another go.

"How about $20?"

"No! Go away!"

"Okay, what about $50?"

"Look, Dad. You bought the Volvo - You have to live with it!"

[turbotom]

A man pulls his car up alongside a boy walking down the footpath.

"I'll give you $10 if you hop in" he says.

Hey Kenny, You didn't stop off in Manilla again, did you!

[ducatijb]

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend tothaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because they both had jobs they found it difficult co-coordinating theirtravel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To : My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: 16 May 2002

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!