Joke Of The Day

[RegSpec]

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge hooters

who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

[turbo.vixen]

EVER WONDER .

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[FPV6T]

Let Me See Why This Is So ?

If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 years hard labour.

If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you are detained indefinitely.

If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.

If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you will be jailed.

If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you may never be heard from again.

If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.

If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

However, if you cross the AUSTRALIAN border illegally, you get a job, a driver's licence, a social security card, welfare benefits, food stamps, credit cards, subsidized rent or a loan to buy a new house, free education, free health care, a lobbyist in Canberra and, in many instances, you can VOTE.!!

[FPV6T]

Dog for Sale*

>

>

> A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana

>

> and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style

>

> house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the

>

> owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

>

> The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador

> retriever sitting there.

>

>

> 'You talk?' he asks.

>

> 'Yep,' the Lab replies.

>

> After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing

>

> a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

> The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could

>

> talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told

> the CIA.. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,

> sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a

> dog would be eavesdropping.'

> 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the

> jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any

> younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the

> airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious

> characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and

> was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies,

> and now I'm just retired.'

>

> The guy is amazed.. He goes back in and asks the owner what

>

> he wants for the dog.

>

> 'Ten dollars,' the guy says..

>

> 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so

> cheap?'

>

> 'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh*t.

[ronburgundy]

A Blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners..

The lady behind the counter thanks her, and says "Come Again".

The Blonde says: "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch".

[Superdan]

[Superdan]

A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,

"A beer, please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married.

The ceremony isn't much, but the reception is great.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly:"I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Answer-phone message: "... If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key ..."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,"My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc.

Finally he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Just because he's cross-eyed

"No, because he's really, really heavy."

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him fifty bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

I went to a seafood disco rave last week . and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire the craft sank.

This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two fish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "I'll handle the gun; you drive."

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

[Ralph Wiggum]

A bra and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar, The barman says "i cant serve you, your off your tits and your mates looking to start something!"

[Superdan]

Man walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his trousers. Barman asks, "mate, why've you got a steering wheel in your pants?"

Man replies, "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts."

Two parrots on a perch, one turns to the other and says, "Can you smell fish?"

A tramp walks into a jewellers, puts his hands down his trousers and starts fingering his arsehole. The sales assistant shouts at him Stop what you're doing and get out, The tramp says You want to make your f*cking minds up youve a sign on the window that says come inside and pick your ring in comfort

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here".

A seal walks into a club...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Old guy walks into a whore house, says I'll have the best whore you have please.

The madam says "how old are you?"

Old guys says "I'm 80 today and this is the way I wish to celebrate"

Madam looks at him "You've had it"

Old guys - "Have I really, how much do I owe you?"

-----------------

Two old women smoking at a bus stop when it starts to rain. One of the old woman pulls out a condom from her bag, cuts the end off, slips it over the cig and keeps smoking.

Other woman watches this and says "By god that's brilliant, what are they"

"They'll condoms, you get them from the pharmacy"

Woman heads to the pharmacy and says to the young man behind the counter "I would like to buy some condoms"

"Oh really" says he "how many will you want"

"Well I'm okay at the moment but on days when I'm wet I'll need 20 a day"

"20 a day " exclaims the man "okay, we can do that, any preference?"

"Yep, they got to be big enough to go on a camel"

two pieces of tarmac talking:

red tarmac says to black tarmac "have you seen green tarmac about?"

black tarmac says "you want to stay away from him, hes a cycle path".

What do you do if you see 50 elephants coming over a hill?

Swim for it.

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Justice fingers.

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."

The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"

I was reading a really good book - The history of Glue.

I couldn't put it down.

One snowman says to the other,

"Can you smell carrot?"

How do you make a dog drink?

Put it in a liquidiser.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

F*#k her.

Whats blue and f*#ks grannies?

Hypothermia

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lictalotopus

A suicide bomber goes into a pet shop and shouts "You've got 1 minute to get out", Tortoise in the back shouts back "You bastard"

Bloke lost, stops at a newsagent and asks the guy at the counter, "which is the quickest way to Leeds from here", the guy replies, "are you in the car or on foot", bloke replies, "in the Car", guy replies, "That will be the quickest way"

"I bought some steroids, but they have some bad side effects. I've grown an extra pen*s"

"Anabolic?"

"No, just a pen*s"

Finding a retirement home for your father is very much like making love to a beautiful women. It's all about getting your old man lodged

That aircrash in Montana where a plane with 14 people on board crashed into a cemetary. The Montana police have so far recovered 200 bodies.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Labrador.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about s*x?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

My front door is made of foam......

don't knock it

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one.

A giraffe walks into a bar and announces high balls are on me!

A priest, a rabbi, and a minster walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says what the hell is this, some sort of joke?

A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender says what will it be? Baby seal replies anything but a Canidian Club on the rocks.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender brings him the beer and the neutron asks how much for it? bartender replies for you buddy no charge.

A farmer is pootling about in the yard when his wife calls out from the kitchen " I've made the chicken soup"

"Thank goodness for that" he replies "I thought that swill was for me

A man has been arrested to day for stealing and industrial loom and 3 tonnes of lambswool from the Pringle factory in Hawick and loading it onto a flat bed lorry.

Police got suspicious when they spotted him weaving all over the road

What have the Sixth Sense and Titanic got in common?

Icy Dead People

What did he cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his arse

My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.

Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?

*yes I feel dirty after that one!!*

I can't decide whether to go to Australia or Thailand this year for a holiday. So I decided to weigh up the pros and cons of both.

Australia has a load of Cons, but Thailand has lots of Pros.

Teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR.

First little boy says, "Alligator", "Very good" replies the teacher.

Second little boy says, "Predator", "Yes, very good" replies the teacher.

Little Johnny then says, "Vibrator miss".

Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

One afternoon, a Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves and both of their barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The Admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that crap on me. My wife will think I've been in a brothel!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Why do elephants have trunks?

Cos sheep don't have strings.

Skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Barkeep, I need a beer and a mop

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Guy goes into the doctor's.

"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."

"How's that?"

"Don't you start".

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashes... Oh, wait a minute...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.

A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go there any more".

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

[Superdan]

Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"

His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."

So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."

Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through.

She screams, "You f*#king asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.

Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"

Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a pedophile!"

The man responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for a 12 year old."

A girl goes up to her father one night and says, "Dad, can I have the car tonight?"

Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, "Sure, if you give me a blowjob."

So the girl puts his pen*s in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out.

"Your pen*s tastes like sh*t!" she cries.

"Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight."

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."

He says, "But my face is a mess."

She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."

Why is a paedophile like a turtle?

Because he gets there before the hare.

What's the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting their wheelchairs in the oven.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend chews before swallowing.

On his death bed John O'Malley a stalwart protestant all his life called for his beloved wife margret. "Maggie, I need ya to do me one last thing before I go off to see me maker..." "Anything John, what is it?" "You have to get a priest fromt he catholic church and have him convert me." "But John, you've been a protestant all your life. You hate the catholics why on earth would you want your last act in this world to be that?" "I'd rather see one of them die than one of ours!"

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house. Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the corn flakes back in the box."

Whats the difference between an oyster shucker and a nymphomaniac homosexual with diarrhoea?

One shucks between the fits and the other f*#ks between the sh*ts

In a redneck family, the brother and the sister are f*cking. He looks at her and says "f*ck sis... youre an even better root than mum!".

She looks back at him, smiles and says "Yeah... dad says that too."

Things you learn from watching porn:

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy f*cks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't f*ck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect pen*s and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of sh*t out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f*cking both of you.

24. Women never have headaches.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

31. Pigtails = handlebars.

Mr Smith goes into the medical centr to pick up his wifes test results.

"Excuse me mr Smith, the dr would like to c u" said the receptionist. so off he goes to the drs office.

'I'm terribly sorry mr smith but there was a mix up at the lab with your wifes reuslts, she either has aids or alztheimers disease!" said dr.

"wtf? what are we sposed to do with this info?" yelled a rather angry mr smith

"well I'll tell u what." said dr "u brung her down to the medical centre tomorrow and drop her off, if she finds her way home DONT f*#k her!!!"

what's better than eating a mandarin?

eating amanda out...

Whats more fun than swinging a baby on a clothesline? stopping it with a cricketbat.

Whats more fun than 10 babies in a bucket? One baby in 10 buckets

Whats black and sits at the top of stairwells? Paraplegic after a housefire.

Whats pink and sticky and crawls up young girls legs? A homesick abortion.

why didnt superman stop the planes from hitting the WTCs?

Because he is in a wheelchair

What is the difference between Madonna and Christopher Revees horse?

Madonna will jump anything.

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says,

> "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"

>

> The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

>

> Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come

> running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"

>

> The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all that, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

>

> The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up some heroin.

> "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"

>

> The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the sh*t out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

>

> The lion answers, "That little f*cker makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

Three Labrador retrievers -- a brown, yellow, and black -- are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.

The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?" The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."

The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, 'Why are you here?'

The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?", the black lab inquired.

"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for.

"I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself, I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"

The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and every time that Mary walked

the boys could see her Thighs

Mary had another skirt

it was split right up the front

and every time that Mary walked...

...but she didn't wear that one very often

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

her clothes all tattered and torn.

It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,

But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

to fetch her poor dog a bone.

When she bent over

Rover took over,

And gave her a bone of his own.

Mary had a little lamb

It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's arse

and turned it's wool to nylon

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

What have you got there?

Said the Pieman unto Simon,

Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men,

Said "F**k him, He's only an egg.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too, cause he was gay

Little Beau Peep f**ked a sheep

Blew a horse, licked its feet

Shaved his arse so very nice

Tongued his balls not once but twice

Jack and Jill went up the hill

Both with a buck and a quarter

Jill came down with two-fifty

The f**king whore

Peter Peter pumpkin eater

Had a wife and loved to beat her

Smacked her twice across the head

F**ked her ass and went to bed

Hickory dickory dock

Some chick was sucking my cock

The clock struck two

I dropped my goo

I dumped the bitch on the next block

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack burnt off his f**king dick

Mary had a little lamb

She kept in her backyard

When she took her panties off

His woolly dick got hard

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

And said, "Hey, what's the in the bowl, bitch?!"

Mary Mary quite contrary

Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

Q. whats black and white and red and can't turn in an elevator?

A. a nun with a spear through her head

Little Janey was in the shower with her father.

Janey says "What's that Daddy?"

Daddy says "That's a pen*s."

"When am I gonna get one of those" Janey asks..

"Oh in about 5 minutes when your mother goes to work...."

Man gives blood to save his girlfriend's life -- later they split up and he says gimme the blood back -- she throws him a used tampon and says I'll pay you monthly ya bastard!

Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where

women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in

five

floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The

only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a

man from that floor.

If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave

the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some

husbands...

First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and

love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than

not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they went.

Second floor The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love

kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I

wonder what's further up?

Third floor This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are

extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!

And up they went.

Fourth floor This door had a sign saying "These men have high

paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the

housework, and have a strong romantic streak .." Oh, mercy me.

But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the

fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and

exists only to prove that women are f*cking impossible to please."