Joke Of The Day

[turbo.vixen]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat

It is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they

Begged their dad for the clue.

’Well’ he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’.

The little girl screams, ‘Don’t eat it..... Its a f*cking asshole!!!

[RegSpec]

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings and beer and don't block the TV.

[RHR]

lol

[tab]

Guy says to his wife:

"What would you do if I won the lottery?"

Wife Replies:

"I'd take half and leave you!"

Guy says:

"Excellent! I had 3 & a sup….. won 10 bucks, here's 5, now f*ck off"

[Black F6]

Guy says to his wife:

"What would you do if I won the lottery?"

Wife Replies:

"I'd take half and leave you!"

Guy says:

"Excellent! I had 3 & a sup….. won 10 bucks, here's 5, now f*ck off"

lol

[Turboboy]

4 out of 3 people

have trouble with fractions!

[turbo.vixen]

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the

other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do.'

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the

headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, take my shoes off before I go into the house, I

sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the

toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed

and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!'

His friend looks at him and says 'Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw

my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap

her on the @ss and shout, WHO'S H*RNY ???? !!!' and she acts like she's

sound asleep!

[Black F6]

Sorry to the Blonds..

Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes? - Toes Go In First

And my fav

Why do blonds have eight more brain cells than a cow? - So when you pull there tits, they don't piss on the floor.

[turbo.vixen]

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his pen*s.

Woman asks, ‘What are you?’

He says, ‘I’m a Fireman’

’But you’re only wearing a glass jar?’, says the woman.

‘Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and I’ll come as fast as I can!’

[FG270]

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.

"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"