Joke Of The Day

[Pixy Angel]

Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly

remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a to a

shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the

display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach

Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,

Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95

and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and.....one of Ken's Friends!

Edited 02/10/08 10:45 PM by ANGEL#3

[Dagabond]

Soldiers

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state...

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, Good-for-nothing left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running the country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard!'

'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, When a fucking truck hit us.'

[F6Rdodg'nroos]

A freind of mine Bob, who's from England, often visits his mother who lives in Darbishire, in the UK.

He was visiting his mum recently, and she notified him that she has some new pakistani neighbours, who are extremely freindly.

She said they try too hard to be neighbourly and are constantly asking her over for drinks or afternoon tea, she finds it quite a drain.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door - it was the neighbour, the husband of the couple had come over to invite them over for morning tea.

Bob's mum gestured to him, and whispered in his ear, "oh go'on, could you go over for me - go over there and appease him, I can't be bothered".

Bob politely accepted the invitation, and said to the neighbour, "Oh, OK, I'll come over, but just for a few minutes".

So they went next door, to find the neighbours wife holding a three month old infant boy. She asked Bob in a heavy Pakistani accent "would you like to hold him? Go on, go on, he's likes being held...go on..."

So bob agreed, sheepishly, holding his arms aout to take the baby.

"Rock him, rock him" Said the mother of the child, gesturing...

The father looked on intently to make sure Bob was doing it properly.

"Now, wind him, wind him" the mother said in her Pakistani accent, and gesturing, "go on, wind him, wind him"

"Oh dear" said Bob, "That's a bit harsh, how about I just give him a dead leg!"

Edited 06/10/08 01:05 AM by F6Rdodg'nroos

[turbo.vixen]

got this email wanted to share cuz its a good one

The 1st part is a girl's email apology to her boyfriend for cheating.

2nd is his hilarious reply .. which was forwarded to HIS entire address

book and is now circulating everywhere.

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel

like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am

truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people

in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I

would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for

anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us

had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you

being p1ssed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly

words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking

that you see me as a different person.

It is weird, The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile

if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel

beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and

I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but

I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it

sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days without you.

It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my

behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct.

I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your

friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not.

I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened. I am

so sorry.

Elizabeth

RESPONSE:

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for

'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to

carry the one is 'a stupid thing'; Mixing in a red sock with a load of

whites is 'a stupid thing'; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45

minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long

because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid

thing' as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and

degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour

span, or that you seemed to think that by saying 'Well, I didn't F**k

him' somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care

less if the world 'looked funny' to you yesterday. Since your world

revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly

Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to

consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.

The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible

person, they just think you're the average run of the mill *beep*-guzzling

blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn

collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you

really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.

Watching you parade around my bedroom

in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought

you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,

Brad

[Chich]

cop that sweetcheeks

[ravenhard]

hahah

[Mike XR6T]

that is with out a doub t the funniest thing I have ever read on the net, what a legend that guy is..... he is my hero, what a classic, im in fuking tears. roflmao. aaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[kona86]

that's great, cop that biatchhhhh

[tab]

Anyone got her number?

[uniqsouljah]

wow that's the best e-mail ive EVER read f*ck that's funny as f*ck lololol, that guys a legend!

anyway, I get a whole bunch of e-mails from friends that are funny. these are some

"global facts about sex"

The Global Facts .... At Any Given Moment:

Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.

Fact: 37,000,000 are getting/giving oral sex.

Fact: 1 lonely bugger is reading emails...

You hang in there sunshine!

"meaty bites"

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I said...no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but I did lose 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and got hit by a car. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why the f*ck else would I buy dog food??