Joke Of The Day

[aniken]

ummm...

[BarraGT]

One evening, a female police officer pulled a man over for DUI, and said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held against you. Do you want to say anything?" The drunk replied, "Nice boobs."

LOL! :lol:

[KEN 24T]

Did you hear the one about the bearded bloke that screwed up the XR6T internet site?

Scotty

So I see where this is going ... where's your proof, buddy?

[hambo_12]

Did you hear the one about the bearded bloke that screwed up the XR6T internet site?

Scotty

[KEN 24T]

Did you hear the one about the bearded bloke that screwed up the XR6T internet site?

Scotty

Please don't encourage him ...

[ktford]

Guilty till proven innocent.

Scotty

[HellionXR6T]

Yep, send in the Uruk-Hai.....Let them deal with Kenny.

"Mmmmm, Man Flesh". :banghead:

[KEN 24T]

Bah Humbug!

[ducatijb]

7 reasons not to mess with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said

it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even

though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a

human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get

to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while

they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each

child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,

she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl

replied, "They will in a minute."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes

at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several

strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your

hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and

make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to

persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how

nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,

'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the

teacher, She's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to

make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head,

the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the

face.." "Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary

position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted,

"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary

school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a

large pile of chocolate chipcookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the

apples.

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, Just remember if it

made you laugh, your friends will laugh too!

===============

Imagination is a quality given to a man to compensate him for what he is

not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.

[Dagabond]

An elderly man in Adelaide calls his son in Sydney and says,

"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get

there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."