Joke Of The Day

[KEN 24T]

It's ok, it's only Mack ... he see things a little differently than the rest of us.

[Macktheknife]

One M Jackson was out on a cruise with some industry types, just off Santa Barbara, when he lost his balance and fell overboard.

He surfaced, spluttering and splashing and shouting:

"Help......Help.....Throw me a Buoy............. :(

[ducatijb]

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.

Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging her I figured 'Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought sotoo, because he put his hand inside her blouse tofeel her heart, just  the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.

About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick, a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and grabbed it with both hands tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.

The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again.

By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats they have 9 lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!!!

[cvanxr]

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them."

And Man gained kilos.

And God created the healthful yoghurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yoghurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly coloured sprinkle candy to put on the yoghurt.

And Woman gained kilos.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert.

And Woman gained kilos.

And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained kilos, and his cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra kilos.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels.

And Man gained kilos.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery...

And Satan created private health insurance ....

[Guest petrol_dan]

that's a pissa ducatijb.

top joke dude

[100%]

Hey Guys,

Got a new stereo in the car today,

Say "soul" and it plays soul music,

Say "rock" and it plays rock music,

anyway I was driving along this morning and some kids ran out in front of me. As usual I responded with "F@#K you kids!!"

The stereo played Michael Jackson!

[100%]

Why are Michael Jackson and McDonalds alike?

Old meat between fresh buns!

[cvanxr]

Some bad taste

[cvanxr]

Getting in to the Christmas spirit. There are a few... :lol:

[cvanxr]

another