Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

I think you guys need to get out more, these last lot of jokes are older than Ken (but not as old as Mack)!

[Falchoon]

What a woman says:

"This place is a mess! C'mon,

You and I need to clean up,

your stuff is lying on the floor and

you'll have no clothes to wear, if we

don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:

"blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON

blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I

blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"

[turbotom]

Don't know if its done the rounds before, But I laughed at this one......

A duck walks into the bar and says to the barman….

“Got any bread?”.

The barman says “No, sorry mate, I don’t have any bread”.

 The duck says “Mmmmm…..hey, you got any bread?”.

The barman says “Nah mate I haven’t got any bread”.

 The duck says “Got any bread?”

The barman says “ For goodness sake I have told you! "

" WE DON'T HAVE ANY BREAD!! ”

 The duck says “Got any bread?”

The barman says “THAT'S IT!

If you ask me one more time I am going to NAIL your BEAK TO THE BAR !

 The duck says “Got any nails?”

The barman says “NO!”

The duck says “Got any bread?!?!?!”

[Macktheknife]

Here's one for Falchoon.

Yes its as old as me but just as good..... No....Gooder.........

This horse walks into a bar. Ouch.

Naaa you've probably heard it before anyway.........

[Falchoon]

Oh Mack, what are we going to do with you? That is a truly tragic effort. RIP Mack's jokes.

[Guest wrxboy]

THREE TYPES

Q: What are the three types of men?

A: The handsome, the caring and the majority.

[Guest wrxboy]

TRAINED FROG

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give oral sex." "Oral sex?" the woman exclaimed. "I haven't witnessed it myself, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman was skeptical, but thought it would be a great gag gift, so she bought the frog. When she explained the frog's ability to her husband, he was even more skeptical than his wife and laughed it off. In the middle of the night, the woman was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making deafening sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to discover her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're gone."

[Guest wrxboy]

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for a dancer from a nearby town. She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for five minutes. For her second number she stripped and danced in sheer bra and g-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes. The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale. For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But 10 minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage. The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?" She replied, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

[Guest wrxboy]

One day, a husband and wife were in the bathroom. The wife got out of the shower and the husband grabbed her boobs and said, "If these were firmer, you wouldn't need a bra." The wife was hurt, but ignored his comment. The next week, the two were in the bathroom again. While the wife was getting out of the shower, he grabbed her rear and said, "If your behind was firmer, you wouldn't need a girdle." The wife plotted her revenge. One day, a week later, as the husband was getting out of the shower, the wife grabbed his manhood and said, "If this was a little bit bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."

[turbotom]

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."