Joke Of The Day

[Guest wrxboy]

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing

an England rugby jersey and is festooned with England pom-poms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave."

The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's

broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game."

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he

and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble,

the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the

game. The big game begins with the poms receiving the kickoff. They march down field,

get stopped at the 22, and kick a penalty goal.

Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the

bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says,

"Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if

they score a try?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."

[JJ_Phantom]

Question: Who was the best player in the All Black back line?

Answer: Stirling Mortlock

[JJ_Phantom]

> Subject: Public Service Flex

>

> Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and

> souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able

> take flex. But there had to be a way........ One of the two public

> servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off

> work" the man whispered.

>

> "How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.

>

> Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his

> Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling

> tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his

> legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

>

> Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at

> the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling,

> and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

>

> "I'm a light bulb" answered the public servant.

>

> "I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of

> here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at

> least another two days! You understand me?"

>

> "Yes sir' the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down,

> logged off his computer and left.

>

> The blonde was hot on his heels.

>

> "Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

>

> "Home," she said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

[XR64T]

Q: What do you get if you cross a rabbit with an elephant?

A: A dead rabbit with and ars*h*le 2 feet across.

[pym]

See on Column 8 this morning

http://www.smh.com.au/column8/index.html

We have to get this one in before Saturday night. A man walks into a bar with a dachshund. The dog is wearing a England rugby jersey and is festooned with England pom-poms.

The bartender:"Hey! No pets allowed! You'll have to leave."

The guy begs: "I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place where we can see the game."

The bartender relents and lets them stay and watch the game. The Poms receive the kick-off, march down field, get stopped at the 22, and Wilkinson kicks a penalty goal. The dog jumps on the bar and walks up and down giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if they score a try?"

The owner: "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."

Go you Aussies

[hambo_12]

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

[hambo_12]

Which condom would you use....

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone.'

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

Wendy Condoms: Where's the beef?

Denny's Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam

Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!

Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served

Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities

Burger King: Have it your way

Dairy Queen: We treat you right

AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1

[Falchoon]

Apparently things are so depressed in NZ that even the price of lamb has

dropped. Its now $10/hr.

[Cro]

Which condom would you use....

You forgot one...

New York Police Department - To Serve and Protect

[Cro]

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honour, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, 'The Gold Dust Twins are coming,' and I had to smile. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did The Trick,' and I could hardly control myself. BUT when she moved the forth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident,' I laughed out loud."

The case was dismissed.