Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his

limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He

ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."

"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.

"Bring them as well" replied the lawyer. They all climbed into the

car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the

limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: "Sir, you are too kind.

Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass

is almost a foot tall."

[Macktheknife]

Specially for the underpressurised yank newbie.

Last Friday afternoon, this beautiful Palamino Mare walks into the last chance Saloon in downtown Brigham, just an hour from Salt Late City, Utah.

She fronts up to the bar.

The barkeep sidles up to her and says.

"Hey there young missy........ why the long face?"

*Just farken rollin around the floor*

[KEN 24T]

Specially for the underpressurised yank newbie.

Stop it Mack, you're killing me ... no seriously, STOP IT!

[Falchoon]

For the girls - Virtual Husband

[Macktheknife]

Back in the wild west. In Utah, not too far from Salt.............

Did ya hear about the queer gunslinger?

Rode into town and shot up the Sheriff.

[Falchoon]

:lol:

[HellionXR6T]

Hahaha, check this out, thought it was just great, nice touch for a Friday afternoon.

[saleen]

Some toilet humour

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our

cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to

convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate

pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your

area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be

careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been

expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other

pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be

careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they

catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a

stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you

release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are

standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one

likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke

or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is

usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not

panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare

everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces

the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you

avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up

the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and

busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.

Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER

A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out

Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or

her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before

entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off

without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of

The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect

visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will

reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the

door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can

occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the

Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a

stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd

Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are

occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that

the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so

the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON

A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an

embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion.

See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET

A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water.

Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

[HellionXR6T]

Hey all, here is a ".pps" file that's quite amusing. It's zipped as it is rather large.

Good way to start your Monday Morning.

Holden_vs_Ford.zip

[Redhawk]

HOW TO SPOT A W@NKER

Don't know if this one has done the rounds yet but found it quite funny.

And......No there is not the slightest resemblence to moi.