Joke Of The Day

[turbotom]

:lol:   Tis true you know

?????

Which one is Kenny ???

The one on the end with the drink (of course) .... I'm a patient man. :o

Patience.... great virtue to have, Ken ol' boy.....

Drink is good, but give up the smokes.

I thought you might have been the next in line, with the lustfull look of anticipation in your eyes!

cheers

[KEN 24T]

Patience.... great virtue to have, Ken ol' boy.....

Drink is good, but give up the smokes.

Haven't had a smoke in nearly 3 years now!

... mind you, now that you mention it ...

[Macktheknife]

It's horse day in Vic tomorrow.

So, That reminds me of a joke..........

Now stop me if you've heard it before.

This lively black stallion canters in to the bar at the Horse and Jockey at Parramatta.

BANG........BANG.........BANG.

A man was shot dead at his computer in suburban Brisbane today. Police are interested in questioning members of an obscure secret society of ford persons. A police spokesperson said the only clue they had so far was that the man had a long face............................

[KEN 24T]

It's horse day in Vic tomorrow.

So, That reminds me of a joke..........

Now stop me if you've heard it before.

This lively black stallion canters in to the bar at the Horse and Jockey at Parramatta.

BANG........BANG.........BANG.

A man was shot dead at his computer in suburban Brisbane today. Police are interested in questioning members of an obscure secret society of ford persons. A police spokesperson said the only clue they had so far was that the man had a long face............................

Ah Mack! :o

That's truely horrible ... go and stand in the corner for an hour and think about what you just did!

[Falchoon]

OK, I haven't been able to post any funnies for four days on account of me being busy driving around Melbourne so I know you are all going through withdrawals. Here's a quick one.

Thought for the day.

There's a lot of sadness in the world...

Right now, as you read this,

7 Million people are having SEX!

And you're on the computer......this is so sad!

[FORDTECH]

This is a bricklayer's Accident report, which was printed in the

newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh

135lbs.Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now

proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience vertigo.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its

journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

[Dagabond]

This is a true story.

Urban Legend.

It's here somewhere already FORDTECH, was also a short german film of it a couple of years ago on SBS.

[Guest]

FORDTECH,thers a cool song called Murphy and the bricks,based on this .

Grab a listen if you can,youll p!ss your self Im sure,If not at the song but the bloke singing it.(Irish you know)

Australia all over with Ian McNamara number 4.

[saleen]

6 Die In Tragic Car Accident

ONLY THOSE WITH STRONG STOMACHES SHOULD PROCEED!!!!!!

[FORDTECH]

Don't fart in bed!

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one

Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his

bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right.All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my

guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God,

some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.