Joke Of The Day

[KEN 24T]

Potential Brides :o :banghead:

I'm pretty sure I've dated Gretchen. :o

[HellionXR6T]

God has a message for you

Onya Falchoon. Can always depend on a good laugh from one of your posts.

Well done.

[100%]

GIRL'S DIARY

> Saturday 16th August 2003.

> Saw John in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went

> shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so

> I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I

> suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

>

> He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere

> nice to eat.

>

> All through dinner, he just did not seem himself; he hardly laughed, and

> did not seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I

> just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and wondered

> if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed.

>

> I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half

> shook hishead and turned the television on.

>

> After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

>

> I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.

>

> He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile.

>

> He did not follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we

> made love.

>

> He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he

> was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else.

>

> I cried myself to sleep.

>

> BOY'S DIARY

> SATURDAY 16th August 2003.

> Wallabies lost to New Zealand. Got a root though.

[Cro]

GIRL'S DIARY

> Saturday 16th August 2003.

bla blablabla

> BOY'S DIARY

> SATURDAY 16th August 2003.

> Wallabies lost to New Zealand. Got a root though.

Gold!

[Falchoon]

ed-au-ba-xr6 - you have my vote for best signature, that Phantom XR cruising across the screen is trick! How do you do it?

[Falchoon]

Three Little cops went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes

and takes their drink order.

"I would like a Tango," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for

dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter

approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any

dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little

piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy,

"but why have you only ordered water all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

Hold on to your seat.

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

[Macktheknife]

Oh my dear.

Falchoon ole buddy, please stick to avatars..............

Please..............

[HellionXR6T]

ed-au-ba-xr6 - you have my vote for best signature, that Phantom XR cruising across the screen is trick! How do you do it?

Cheers dude,

It's not that hard, just an animated gif, it's just the base for now. May make it prettier with more eye candy. Even thought of an XR overtaking a cruddadore but that might kick up a stink...lol. However simplicity itself can be a good thing so I might leave it "as is".

Glad you like it.

[dankman]

When you really, really have to make up for something small?

[Dagabond]

Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "Us Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C' and D', but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't

move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that US Air 2771?"

US Air 2771: "Yes ma'am" the humbled crew responded.

Naturally the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771: Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..... "I've got the little Fokker in sight."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A DC-10 had come in a little hot (exceedingly fast) and thus had an exceedingly long roll after touching down.

San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway if you are able...... If not, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on Frequency 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, Contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger, and yes, we copied Eastern...... we've already notified our caterers."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206."

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 is clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha one-seven."

The BA 747 Pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206: (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but I didn't stop!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war"