Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 24/10/03 03:35 AM Share Posted 24/10/03 03:35 AM A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink.There is a good looking wench sitting nearby.She looks at him a gives him a wink.He scoots over and offers her a drink, which she gratefully accepts.After a few mild pleasantries of conversation, the young lady mentions she is going through a divorce."You too?" says the man. Why are you getting a divorce?""My husband thinks I am too perverted." was her reply."What a coincidence -- MY wife thinks I am too perverted!" he says to her. "She says I am too kinky when it comes to sex...""Wow, my husband thinks the same of me, why don't we explore this kinkyness together?"He agrees, they finish their drinks and leave the bar.Knowing neither can go to one another's house because of their pending divorces, they drive to a remote location where they can be alone.The woman becoming quite aroused, jumps into the back seat, and takes off her clothes in anticipation of what is to come..."Please hurry, I want to get kinky with you!" she moans from the back seat.She hears him fumble with his belt, then hears his zip come down, then finally his pants coming down.Hardly able to control herself, she is somewhat surprised when she hears him pull his pants back up, then his zip, then his belt getting fastened."Hey, I thought we were going to explore our kinkyness here!" she complained."We did!", he says, "I just crapped in your handbag!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducatijb Lifetime Members 3,448 Member For: 21y 8m 9d Gender: Male Location: sydney Posted 24/10/03 05:23 AM Share Posted 24/10/03 05:23 AM A cucumber, pickle and a pen*s were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.The cucumber said,"Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."So the pickle looks at him and says,"You think you have it bad ? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me and sticks me in a jar." The pen!s glared at them both and said "You guys think you have it rough?Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducatijb Lifetime Members 3,448 Member For: 21y 8m 9d Gender: Male Location: sydney Posted 26/10/03 10:33 PM Share Posted 26/10/03 10:33 PM Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze those pink dangly bits here,and drink whatever comes out"Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum." Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from?If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets madatyou, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 27/10/03 06:14 AM Share Posted 27/10/03 06:14 AM Nice paint job... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 27/10/03 11:20 PM Share Posted 27/10/03 11:20 PM A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up aheadof him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lostagain. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed."I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell mewhat hole I'm on."She told him You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he sawher in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her adrink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talkinghe asked her what she did for a living."I'm in sales."He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to knowwhat she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. Hepromised.She said, "I sell tampons".He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'mstill one hole behind you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest petrol_dan Guests Posted 27/10/03 11:39 PM Share Posted 27/10/03 11:39 PM Two pregnant irish wonam were sitting knitting jumpers.one says " I hope mines a boy ive only got blue wool".The other says " I hope mines spastic ive f@*ked up the arms". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 28/10/03 12:15 AM Share Posted 28/10/03 12:15 AM Ha ha good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 28/10/03 01:19 AM Share Posted 28/10/03 01:19 AM Six Die in Tragic AccidentWarning - not for the squeamish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest petrol_dan Guests Posted 28/10/03 02:33 AM Share Posted 28/10/03 02:33 AM NO NOT THE BEER!!!!!!!!!haha that's a cool pic buddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest petrol_dan Guests Posted 28/10/03 03:36 AM Share Posted 28/10/03 03:36 AM A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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