Joke Of The Day

[XRSICKT]

[Guest Galaxieman]

Dave was always bragging how there was no-one worth knowing that he didnt already know. Fed up with his ramblings Bob challenged him to put up or shut up.

D. No problem, name anyone famous and I will prove I know them

B. Ok Smart A .. , Tom Cruise

D. Ah my old mate Tom. Come on I'll introduce you.

Dave drives straight into Toms place and Tom meets them at the door. " Dave old mate come in for a beer he says. They enjoy a beer with Tom Cruise and leave.

B. Ok so you got lucky with Tom cruise how about someone really important. How about George Bush?

D. Sure, Georgie boy and are old fishing buddies.

They drive to the Whitehouse and imediately get the VIP treatment, then are ushered to the presidents private room. George and Dave laugh about the old days while Bob sat silent and amazed.

B Ok I admit that's pretty impressive but surely you cant know every body.

D. Alrighty then give me your best shot.

B. How about the Pope?

D. Funny you should say that. I was planning drop in on Johnny anyway so you might as well tag along.

They arrive at the Vatican, standing outside in the square amidst thousands of people worshipping the Pope as he stood on the balcony. Dave waves to the Pope but fails to gain his attention.

B. Nice try Dave but he wont see you here and know you cant go up there so, I'm sure you're bluffing on this one.

D. No worries Mate. You wait here I'll see you in a minute.

Dave dissapears into the crowd and Bob waits patiently, sure that Dave is having him on. After about ten minute Dave walks out on to balcony, has a quick chat to the Pope then looks for Bob in the crowb to wave to him. However Bob is nowhere to be seen and and Ambulance was parked where he standing. Dave left the Pope and ran to see what was wrong and found Bob being loaded into the Ambulance clutching his heart from a heart attack.

D. Whats wrong Mate, how did this happen.

B. I was coping fine when I saw you walk onto the balcony with Pope, but it all went wrong when two guys behind me said "Hey who's that on the balcony with Dave?"

:lol:

[Guest Galaxieman]

A True Story. Christmas 2001

My brother spent the Sunday before Christmas out with his four-year-old son to buy presents for the family. They spent some quality time bonding closely as they carefully chose presents for Mum and little sister.

Against his wife’s wishes my brother then shouted a sneaky treat of KFC before heading home. He explained to his son that Mum should not be told about the present they has bought as it was a surprise, nor for that matter should he mention having lunch at KFC.

As they ate, the Father-Son bond was obvious and strong, and soon the little boy opened up and was asking a lot of questions about girls. As the conversation flowed Dad dispensed his knowledge of women, relating stories of old girlfriends and past triumphs as his junior sat in admiration taking it all in. As the last morsel of food was washed down with a Coke my brother concluded the stories with the advice that Mum should not be told about the girlfriend stories as well as KFC and the presents. His son acknowledged with a blokey vow of secrecy.

That night after dinner as the family watched TV my nephew sat lovingly on his mother’s lap. He rolled his head back and said “I have a secret that I can’t tell you because Dad will get angry”. “Oh really she replied” looking directly at her husband. “I think you should tell Mummy, Daddy wont really mind”. Quick to save himself, my brother sat up in his seat and defended his position by saying “you promised not to say what we bought Mummy for Christmas, it’s a secret”. The boy looked back at his Mother saying “it’s not that” and she passed the look back to her husband. “Ok, ok we had KFC for lunch today” he said scowling at the boy for forcing his hand. “It’s not that,” said the little bloke cutely rolling his eyes. “Yeah, alright so I had other girlfriends before I met your Mother, is that a crime” frustrated and beaten he slouched back down his chair and sulked. “It’s not that,” said the boy again. So his Mother held him close and said “it’s ok Dad won’t go mad, you can tell me your secret.” Unsure of himself he looked at his Dad and then back to his Mum then pointed back at his father and said “Dad’s balls are hanging out.”

[Guest Galaxieman]

I have to go now,and read my new book. "How to kill a Rat with Oboe" Volume 3

[Falchoon]

Chowmein at the local (with apologies to Harry Chapin) :lol:

chowmein.htm

[XRSICKT]

Chowmein at the local (with apologies to Harry Chapin) :lol:

:lol: not bad

[JJ_Phantom]

www.clanuak.com/whatever/

[XRSICKT]

I wonder if any of us can beat this record

The world record for ***Click***

[Dagabond]

Cant recall seeing it here:

New dashboard for women....

[pizza_sleek]

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''