Joke Of The Day

[Cro]

Rice

[KEN 24T]

Your last car, Cro?

[HellionXR6T]

Ahhhh....hahahahaha

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh Gawd, Oh Crap...lol. That's the funniest s**t I've seen for a long time!! All it's missing is that damn blow off valve sound box thingy Chris found.

[XRSICKT]

Goes off :lol:

[Falchoon]

Ralph, I said NO BULL!

[Dagabond]

Ralph, I said NO BULL!

:lol: that had to hurt.

The blokes face just before the photo was taken.

[Dagabond]

Office Dares

ONE-POINT DARES

1.. Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2.. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

3.. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4.. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5.. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.

6.. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

7.. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8.. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9.. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1.. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2.. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

3.. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4.. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5.. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1.. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2.. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3.. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4.. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5.. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6.. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7.. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8.. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

9.. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10.. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

11.. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12.. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

13.. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14.. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

15.. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16.. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17.. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

18.. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

19.. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

1.. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

2.. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

3.. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.

Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

4.. In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".

5.. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

6.. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

7.. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

8.. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

9.. Sing along at the opera.

10.. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

11.. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

12.. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

13.. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"

14.. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

[pym]

Dagabond....they're not dares...that's a normal day !!

[aniken]

A big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbuck." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .22 rifle." The others could not believe it, he was right, and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeked, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him.

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in their car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole said, "and the rifle was a .308," which of course he was right.

This, of course, was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove is skills over and over again. Everytime against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, stoned out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one heck of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me, of course."

"But what did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a triumphant tone: "Skunk, killed with an ax."

[Falchoon]

:lol: Monopoly for Westies...